loser

I really feel like a loser and a jerk these days and I don't know why. Maybe I'm just becoming a regular delinquent and a stupid ass, just maybe.

I am too lazy to work, too busy with worthless things to rearrange my life, and too damn careless to judge righteousness.

Maybe I tend to hurry things up too much. Yes, that's how I like it. Fast. And, almost always, I end up stumbling. Scrambling for shelter. Seeking consolation. Acting down and broken for others to lift up. Stupid.

Doesn't make much sense, does it? That's okay. I really don't understand myself that clearly either. I need somebody to explain myself to me. Someone who would know myself better than me. If there's that someone, please help me. Guide me. Tell me how much of a jerk I've been. Tell me I'm just a loser playing around for acceptance. Reject me. Make me suffer. Torment me. More.

If I could get enough of those, maybe I could have pity on myself too. Pity to spare myself dignity and make me live like I should.