Waiting for the Miracle

Nakadaan ako sa Paris nang dalawang araw. Masaya run. Mga Pranses tao run eh. Next time na 'ko magbanggit nang kung anu-ano tungkol sa Paris, ito na lang muna:

May Toyota showroom sa kahabaan ng Champs-Elysées (Katabi ng Nike Paris) na may Hybrid car na nakadisplay. Ito 'yun:

Pero hindi yun ang masaya. May isang kotseng puti (Toyota Aygo) na pwede mong sulatan ng kung anumang gusto mo kaya ito (Draw your AYGO):

Hehe, hindi naman kailangan makita buong pangalan ko kaaya in-edit ko nang maganda. Sinulat ko "Jeric XXXXXXX was here":

'Yung nagsusulat sa baba si Argel 'yun. Nilagay niya ata "Argel vandalized this car":

Next time na ulit, daming ginagawa e :)

~~~

Je vais rendre à Paris très bientôt!

~^_^~

Poké FR

2007-08-07T18:34:00.000+08:00

Les matins, je m'ai levé toujours pour te voir. Les après-midis, j'ai prié toujours pour toi que tu sois en sécurité. Les soirs, je m'ai couché pour te rêver.

Mais aujourd'hui, je n'ai pas été capable pour voir, n'ai pas été capable pour prier, n'ai pas été capable pour rêver.

Je me suis trompé et je suis desolé. J'ai pensé qu'on soit meilleur comme ça. je suis desolé vraiment.

Demain, je vais compenser pour tous. Je vais compenser pour tous que je manque, pour tous que je dois.

Alors, Pikachu, je te choisis!

(BGM plays...)

I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was...

To catch them is my real test, to train them is my cause...

~~~

You teach me and I'll teach you!

~^_^~

prison break, season 3

2007-08-01T14:59:00.000+08:00

Warning: Spoiler Alert!

Previously on Prison Break...

Michael Scofield and Lincoln Burrows manage to get to Panama, but what looked like a new beginning with Sara Tancredi on board the Chirstina Rose turned into a deeper tale of tragedy when they get arrested and locked in SONA prison with Belleck and FBI Agent Mahone.

On the next Prison Break...

Matapos makulong at pahirapan ng husto sa SONA, pinalaya na rin ang guapito. Ilang buwan din ang pagpapasakit at pang-aalipusta sa kanya ngunit hindi ito naging balakid sa muling pagpapa-pogi ng kanyang mukha. Ngayon ay malaya nang naghahanap-buhay sa Espanya ang binata, nagmamaneho ng bus linea cuatro.

Exclusive scene from the all-new Prison Break Season 3

~~~

Hehe, nasa likod na likod ako nung bus niyan, mahirap kuhanan ng picture nang hindi nahahalata nung drayber. In fairlaloo, kahawig...

~^_^~

corrida de toros

2007-07-30T16:07:00.000+08:00

Isa sa pinakamaaksyong gabi sa aking pananatili rito sa España ang panonood ng isang bullfight, o Corrida de Toros, sa Plaza de Toros ng Ciudad Real. Hindi gaanong kilala ang Ciudad Real sa mga bullfight gaya ng Toledo kung kaya naman kaunti lang ang nanonood (hindi rin naman bigatin ang mga matador sa gabing ito, mga bata kasi). Mura rin pala napasukan namin, 5€.

Sa simula, tinetesting pa ng matador at mga banderillo (mga assistant ng matador) ang toro. Energetic pa ang toro sa mga sandaling ito. May isa pa ngang sa sobrang excitement ay nasuwag ang lupa at napatambling. Akala ko mababalian ng leeg yung toro. Ang laki kasi tapos sisirko nang ganun. 475-515 kgs pala ang mga napanood naming mga toro.

May tatlong bahagi ang isang bullfight at ang bawat isa ay nagsisimula sa hudyat ng mga trumpeta. Ang unang bahagi ay ang ang tercio de varas, kung saan ang pumapasok sa ring ang dalawang picadores (lancers) at ang isa sa kanila ay sisibatin ang toro sa batok. Sila yung mga nakasakay sa kabayong may piring ang mga mata. Kadalasang nasusuwag ng mga toro ang mga kabayo, kawawa naman. Sa napanood ko, bumulagta yung isang kabayo at nasuwag yung matandang picador pagkatpos ay dinaan-daanan pa nang paulit-ulit ng toro. Nakatayo pa naman siya sa huli. Comedy rin pala dahil natanggal yung talim ng sibat sa isang fight.

Ang ikalawang bahagi ay ang tercio de banderillas kung saan naman may tatlong banderillo na susubok isa-isa na magtusok ng dalawang banderilla sa likod ng toro. Minsan magaling ang mga banderillo, minsan naman malas, isa lang ang naitutusok. Yung ibang mas malas, nasusuwag din, gaya nung napanood ko rin sa gabing ito. Kawawa rin.

Sa huling bahagi, yung toro na yung kawawa. Ito ang tinatawag na tercio de muerte, o third of death. Dito na papatayin ang toro gamit ang espada, matapos tusukin ng sibat at sundutin ng mga banderilla sa unang dalawang bahagi. Minsan, sumusuka ng dugo ang bull, minsan babagsak na lang. Sa napanood ko, may bull na hindi namatay at pinabalik na lang sa pinanggalingan. Meron ding matador na nasuwag at binuhat palabas ng ring. Yung toro na nakasuwag sa kanya yung hindi namatay.

Anim na toro ang napanood ko sa buong gabi.
Sa huli,ang iskor ay humans 5, toros 0 (kung pagbabasihan ang dami casualties).
Toros killed: 5
Humans killed: 0
Humans injured: 4
Horses taken down: 1
Total cost: 7€ (5€ entrance, 2€ yung coke in can)

~~~

Qu'est-ce que je veux?

~^_^~

madrid, part ii

2007-07-12T18:18:00.000+08:00

Now, there are lots of fancy restaurants and cafés and bars (Spanish people like beer-- even McDonald's value meals have beer included in their beverage selection). They like to live the life, you see. They go out after work and hang out on bars and places to drink and eat tapas, pulutan in the Philippines. For each glass or bottle of beer you order, you get a free serving of tapas. Various types of food can be included in the tapas list, ranging from fries to sandwiches to chicken wings. Some bars would serve the tapas of their choice, and some would give you the freedom to choose whichever you like. With restaurants that serve tapas automatically, one would generally get better tasting ones after each round of beer.

~~~

In going around Madrid, we saw a lot of beer joints, or cervecerías, but we didn't try any. We instead went on this Italian restaurant and ordered pizza and beef and ice cream. I don't remember what the name was, but my meal cost me around 13€. I didn't eat much, so I guess that was a quite expensive meal for that night. Plus, we were in the city. That makes the prices a little more expensive. Menú del día, or menu of the day, is the better way of spending your money on food if you're going for quantity. For 8-12€, you'd have a meal consisting of three courses. If you're tight on the budget, that's a good way of saving some cash.

We're with Sir Reden, Joenille's Span teacher. Taken from that Italian resto:

~~~

There are some fastfood chains around here too. I've already seen McDonald's, Burger King, KFC, Dunkin' Donunts, and Starbucks Coffee. We've eaten in everyone of 'em, except Dunkin' Donuts.

Argel and I treated Joenille in Madrid for his post-birthday eat-out. Starbucks was his choice:

¡Hasta luego!

~~~

Je crois que tu déjà me sois partie.

~^_^~

madrid, part i

2007-07-10T18:13:00.000+08:00

¿Cómo estáis?

I now show you some photos of Madrid-- the city and its sights. Most of these were taken during our weekend trip. I was planning on creating a Multiply account but, too bad, the site is blocked here in the office. I've downsized the photos a bit so downloading wouldn't be too much of a hassle.

Madrid is a very busy city. It's flooded with all sorts of people. It's summer now so more people flock the streets. The condition is is very different from Ciudad Real, where it's quiet and much less populated. Plus, there are many tourists in Madrid. We've come across several Filipinos in the city. A couple even asked us where the nearest bank was. They said they were from Paris, which made me envious, of course. But no worries, I'm thinking of going to France next month! :)

~~~

First up are photos of random buildings. Most of them are built the same way, about five to ten floors high with intricate architecture. Very European.

There are quite a number of these kinds of people on the streets of Madrid. They don't move unless you drop a coin or two in front of them. That last one is a real statue, by the way :D

This is the hotel in front of ours:

This landmark is the origin of all distances in Spain, Km 0. Much like the one in Luneta. It's located in Puerta del Sol, a few blocks from where we stayed.

Every city's got a Plaza Mayor. Here's the one in Madrid.

Summer means sale! One of the few words I like most in Spain-- Rebajas! This is taken from a street lined up with shops. You can see El Corte Ingles and Sfera in this photo.

This double deck bus is for tourists. I think you have to pay 30€ for a ride around Madrid. ¡Muy caro!

I don't know the significance of this statue, but it's supposed to be important. I'm with Argel in this photo. See him standing beside the tree?

This is Yelmo Cineplex. They show movies in English with Spanish subtitles here. Here's where we watched Transformers.

There are lots more to follow but i don't have the time :)

¡Hasta luego!

~~~

Je ne le peux pas aider. Je ne sais pas si tu es là encore mais j'espère que tu sois. Tu me manques tous les jours. Est-ce que tu aies voulu ça vraiment? S'il te plait, laisses-moi savoir que tu m'entendes...

~^_^~

tour bernabéu

2007-07-09T14:24:00.000+08:00

Hi again! I spent this weekend with the Jalapeño and D' Catch in Madrid :) We stayed in this small hostel in the middle of the city. It was a very nice spot to stay in since it's almost in the heart Madrid. Most of the shops and sights are a few meters or a hundred away.

Before I post something about Madrid the city, iinggitin ko muna sa Virginia haha :D

~~~

Sa labas ng Santiago Bernabéu, the home of Real Madrid C.F. Halos malaki lang ng kaunti sa Araneta hehe.

'Yung ticket sa tour ng stadium. 15€ pero sulit na:

View from the uppermost seats (Panoramic view tawag nila):

Bandang gitna. Ok na ritong pumuwesto kung manonood ka ng game. Malapit na e. Sana pag umpisa na ang La Liga e makapanood ako:

'Yung mga seats puti ang kulay para mabuo 'yung Real Madrid C.F.:

Eto yung mga mga inuupuan ng mga players. Umupo ako riyan!

Interviews after the games are held here:

Locker room. Umupo rin ako riyan!

Shower. Ayan, hindi na 'ko naligo riyan...

Siyempre, sapatos ng idol ko haha:

Siyempre hindi rin ako mawawala sa eksena. Baka sabihin nito stir lang e haha. I met this French guy who was touring alone, too. Buti na lang marunung-runong akong magsalita ng Pranses kaya nakausap ko siya at nakapagpakuha ng picture sa kanya (Salamat Piérre!). Nag-offer din naman akong kuhanan siya ng picture gamit ang camera niya, at nagpasalamat din siya sa 'kin :)

Next post 'yung mga experiences sa city :)

~~~

Ne manquez pas la chance.

~^_^~

helado para mí

2007-07-05T16:01:00.001+08:00

Hello all! It's been quite a while since I last posted. I've been busy with so many things that I didn't find the time to write down stuff. Among these things that happened to me recently are (since around April): finished schooling, bummed around, went looking for a job and found one (thanks to the Jalapeño!), took a crash course in Spanish, and flew to Doha then Madrid.

Anyways, I'm currently situated in Ciudad Real, south of Madrid, Spain. I'll be staying here for some months because of work. Hopefully, I'd stay here until December. I'd talk about my experiences here in following entries. For now, I'm just posting pictures of the flat I share with three of my workmates, one of which is my boy, D' Catch.

~~~

Here's what you would see upon entering our flat. It's the corridor that leads to the living and bed rooms:

The very first door to the left when you enter the flat takes you to the kitchen, one of my favorite places in the flat :) The kitchen came with some utensils and cooking equipment, but not enough for decent cooking. We had to buy knives and a chopping board and other stuff to fill the missing equipments in. We have an oven, though.

Now here's part of the sala. Not much to see here. D' Cactch placed all the fragile displays inside the compartment so that we don't have to worry about stuff breaking. That black vase you see there is now inside too :)

Here's the bed that I share with D' Catch. I think this shot was taken on our first night in Spain. All of our stuff just lying on the bed in shambles. Now I sleep on the couch. I can't seem to sleep on the bed. I tried to sleep on the bed again last night but I still can't sleep in peace. D' Catch tried to sleep on the couch, too, but he's not comfortable sleeping on it, either.

Here are the views from the terrace. To the left you'd see a compound across the street. That's part of Universidad de Castilla-La Mancha. The compound houses the place where we work . Yes, we're living 5 minutes away from work.

To the right from our terrace is a Shell station. The convenience store on the right is Select's counterpart here in Spain. It just says "Tienda", a generic term for a store.

That's about it for now. More to follow soon!

~~~

Mille miles et plus loin, mais mes yeux te voient cependant.

~^_^~

the one where...

2007-05-18T20:17:00.000+08:00

A young girl was walking down the street when he came across a boy.

"Hi," said the girl. "What are you doing?"

"Does it matter to you what I'm doing?" asked the boy, staring at the girl directly.

"No, but I'd like to know," cautiously replied the girl.

"Why? I don't want anybody to know," the boy lashed back, returning to what he'd been busy with. "Now go on. Don't get in my way."

The girl sat casually beside the boy and asked, her interest stirred, "Ooooh. What's that?"

"Bugger off," mumbled the boy without looking.

~~~

"Can I have it when you're finished?" asked the girl.

"No. Shut up. Leave," demanded the boy.

~~~

"Can I have it when you're finished?" asked the girl again.

"I said no." The boy, irritated.

~~~

"Can I have it when you're finished?" asked the girl a third time.

"No!" erupted the boy. "Just quit annoying me, will you?!"

~~~

The girl stood up and began taking steps on her previous path. She was ready to leave entirely when the boy called out.

"Hey. Uhm, you can keep this," handing his work to the girl.

"Why?" the girl asked in pleasant surprise.

"I kinda broke it when you were bothering me. You might as well take it now if you really want to have it, if you still want to have it. It can't be fixed though."

"I still want it. It's perfect. Thanks."

The boy went home. The girl was glad.

~~~

Quelqu'un est heureuse, au moins.

~^_^~

47

2007-05-03T12:13:00.001+08:00

Where the hell was Mark Caguioa when I needed him the most?!!!

Damn it! Where were you?!!!

~~~

He has to be there. Somewhere. Look harder...

~^_^~

the bosing chronicles

2007-05-03T09:23:00.000+08:00

Dear Bosing,

Ano ba problema mo?

Bakit ginawa mo akong ganito? Inilagay mo ako sa posisyong alam mong hindi ko kaya. Alam kong alam mo 'yun pero tinuloy mo pa rin. Pwede mo naman akong ilagay sa puwestong iba ang mga ka-trabaho para hindi na nagsimula ang lahat. Bakit hindi???

Maling-mali eh.

Bakit kasi hindi mo na lang ako nilagay sa Zimbabwe 'nung umpisa pa lang para malayo na 'ko?

Bakit kasi hindi mo na lang ako nilagay kasama ng mga bulag para wala na akong nakita?

Pwede naman akong maging buhangin para walang nararamdaman. Bakit nga hindi?

Hindi ko naman hiniling ang ganitong mga katangian. Ok lang naman, pero mas ok yata kung iba ang makikinabang.

Alam mo naman kasing mag-eenjoy ako sa trabaho ko. Pero sana naman, inilagay mo na 'ko sa permanenteng posisyon. Ayaw ko nang palipat-lipat gaya ng dati. Sawa na 'ko eh.

Request lang: ibalik mo na 'ko kung saan ako nanggaling. Kasama mo riyan sa taas. Please lang, kunin mo na ko rito.

Kung ayaw mo, eh di 'wag. Baka may plano kang iba. Ipo-promote mo ba 'ko? Ililipat mo na naman ba 'ko. 'Wag na lang bosing. Sisantihin mo na lang ako, mas tatanggapin ko pa.

Ayaw mo pa rin? Ako aakyat riyan.

~~~

The waiting dies with me.

~^_^~

patataaaaas! part ii

2007-04-27T20:51:00.000+08:00

Medyo late 'tong post na 'to, pero...

Yehehesss!

<---- Nakikita niyo ba 'yan?

Baked patatas 'yan. Baked!

Hindi french fried patatas, hindi mashed patatas, at mas lalong hindi patatas chip.

Baked! Jaz-hawaylayket!

~~~

Matagal na panahon din akong hindi natikim ng baked papatas. Kayang-kaya kong gawin 'to dahil mahilig akong magluto pero wala akong panahon last sem, kahit gaano pa kadali siya gawin.

Nag-s-stroll lang ako 'nun kasama ang aking seestar-dear nang mapatingin ako sa kanan. Ayun. Tumitingin din siya sa 'kin. Tinanong niya, "Ako ba ang hanap mo?"

Sabi ko nang taos-puso, "Yes, you are the one I've been searching for."

"Then take me," the patatas said, tempting me with the invitation.

"Yes. Yes, maybe I will," ang akin lang nasabi habang tutok ang mga mata ko sa kanya. Walang kurap.

~~~

At 'yun nga ang ginawa ko. Walang akong pera 'nun. Bingiyan pa ko ng kapatid kong mas bata sa 'kin ng limang taon.

Masarap ang baked patatas. Kahit na kulang sa pagka-crispy ang bacon bits at medyo maalat the melted cheese, ayos na siya.

Masaya ako para sa akin at sa baked patatas na rin. Alam kong gusto niya naman ang nangyari sa kanya kaya wala akong pagsisisi sa aking pagnamnam.

I saw the patatas. The patatas saw me. It was over right then and there.

~~~

La pomme de terre au four. C'est à moi et je l'aime.

~^_^~

muli

2007-04-26T01:05:00.000+08:00

Matagal na mula nang huling umagos ang mga luha buhat sa aking mga mata.

Nakalimutan ko na lang din siguro kung paano ang gagawin kapag nababalot sa ganitong damdamin.

~~~

Sobra kasing dami ng inatupag ko ngayong semestre kaya nawala sa sirkulasyon ng pag-iisip ko ang dapat na binibigyang-pansin nang husto. Nariyan at gumambala ang pakombo-kombo sa tabi-tabi, ang pag-aaral para sa mga pagsusulit, ang pagpupursigi sa pagtapos ng huling proyekto sa kolehiyo, at ang walang sawang tulog-lamon-tambay sa loob ng laboratoryo (tama, kasama sa inaatupag ang mga 'yan).

Nagkamali ako. Hindi ko nabigyan ng sapat na panahon ang gusto ko sa buhay.

Ang buong akala ko ay manunumbalik ang lahat sa karaniwan kung iiwan ko lang nang saglit ang aking minamahal, at babalikan matapos ang panandaliang pagsasarili. Hindi pala. Babalik pala ako sa umpisa. Parang walang narating. Walang pagkakaiba. 'Di na natuto.

~~~

Sabi ko sa sarili ko dati, hindi na ako muling luluha. Hindi na ako tulad ng dati. Hindi na dapat ako naaapektuhan ng ganitong bagay. Hiwalay na ang aking pag-iisip sa nararamdaman, at sa awtomatik na reaksyon ng katawang tao. Ngunit ilang beses ko mang inulit-ulit na pagsabihan ang sarili ko nito, naroon pa rin ang mga butil ng luha. Isa-isang namuo sa gilid ng aking mata. Isa-isang dumaloy sa aking pisngi. At sa bawat pag-alala ko na huli na ang lahat upang makabalik sa nakaraan at makapaghanda nang mas mabuti, mas lalong tumulin ang pag-agos. Hindi ko na rin napigilan at napapikit na lang ako; mistulang pinipiga na lamang ang mga mata upang matuyo ang mga ito at mailabas ang natitirang mga luha.

Iyon na lamang ang tangi kong nagawa. Habang sarado ang mga mata at tikom ang bibig, ako'y dumaramay sa sarili.

Tahan na. Lilipas din 'yan. Sa susunod ay mas matibay ka na.

~~~

Nahimasmasan na ako.

Binawasan ko ang bangis at higpit na naipon sa aking mga kamao.

Dumilat nang walang bahid ng dalos.

Nagkamali ako. Hindi ko nabigyan ng sapat na panahon noong nakaraang semestre ang nais ko sa buhay.

Sa pagbigkas ko nito sa aking isip, tinipon ko ang pinagbalatan, itinapon ang mga iyon sa basurahan, at itinabi ang pinaghiwaan sa gilid ng sangkalan.

Tapos na ang sibuyas. Kamatis naman.

~~~

Je prie pour tout. Tous les jours.

~^_^~

28th of march

2007-04-11T10:43:00.000+08:00

The 28th of March marked another eventful day in my not-so-glorious life. T'was the first time I took the new ferry going to Manila.

The Pasig River Ferry Service Project aims to bring back the Pasig River as a major transport route across Manila, and has already begun setting up ferry stations in strategic points along the riverbanks. There are 17 proposed stations from Marikina to Escolta, but only 4 are in operation as of now: Guadalupe, Sta. Ana, Escolta.

The last of these working stations is the Hulo station, a good 200 meters from where I live. Ah, the convenience.

~~~

It was already 4pm when my dad and I decided to head to Quiapo for a pirating spree. No trouble getting to the ferry station since it was a literal 2-minute walk from ours. Great. The ferry was scheduled to arrive at 4:20. Only a few minutes of waiting. The ferry reached the station just as planned. We boarded the white watercraft around 4:25 and a couple of minutes later, we were already cruising towards Escolta.

The ferry is much of an in improvement from the previous ferries that used to stream up and down Pasig. It is wide and spacious, and establishes a feeling of strength and safety just from a visual encounter. Four people manned the boat: The captain, a coast guard, and two other crew, all of them dressed to demand respect and assume competence.

It was near immaculate from outside in. The white interior matched the white paint job, and the brown cornisa lining up the edges of the ceiling reaffirmed what already was a fine piece of construction. Clear glass panes line up the ferry walls to let passengers enjoy the view. 147 sturdy blue seats fill the floor, but only a few were occupied. They were not built for comfort, but they're fine. Two white tables were also present at the rear side of the ferry, allowing people to eat as normal as they would please. In front, a Hitachi TV played a karaoke CD to keep the travelers entertained. The songs were classics: Blue Bayou, Rhinestone Cowboy, Jambalaya among them.

The people were quite fun to watch, too. While I was taking mental notes of the ferry's layout, a couple right in front of us was cuddling, at times caressing. Little children running along the aisles were also fun to look at. A guy, whom I failed to id visually, was singing along to Sad Movies:

"Sad movies always makes me cry."

Nice. So many people make me smile.

~~~

We arrived in Escolta at 5:06. Travel time was fair enough since there were no hassles brought about by traffic and pollution. This station is placed on a quite convenient spot. From there, Quiapo was only a few blocks away. Not very challenging for people who like to travel on foot. Yet another direction leads to Divisoria, another fun place to lose yourself in.

The trip back was not such as exciting. A ferry was scheduled to depart at 6:20pm but it was already 7:12 when the ride back commenced. This delay was predictable though. There are only 2 ferries in operation today, far from the targeted 16 by the end of the project. Because of this, there are 1 hour gaps in between trips. The envisioned waiting time in between ferry arrivals is 5-10 minutes (upon the project's completion).

The clock on my mobile phone read 7:58 when we disembarked the ferry. The ride home took that long because, apparently, the ferry came across a larger vessel in the middle of the trip. The ferry had to stop for a while to let the other pass. I didn't really feel that disturbance, nor did I care to. I was too busy sleeping.

~~~

So there went by the 28th of March. My first time to ride the Pasig River Ferry. I hope more commuters would patronize the service in the future, as the project offers nothing but commuting convenience.

There's another moment worthy of remembrance that took place while I was waiting for the ride back, inside the Escolta station. I leave this to another post.

~~~

Je ne dois pas attendre mais c'est tous que je peux faire.

~^_^~

er

2007-04-08T17:49:00.000+08:00

Before I begin writing more serious posts and the like, I'm going to post something which serves as a bridge from my old writing style to a newer, clever-er technique. Not that the two would really differ from each other. I just wanted say something like that to make me feel like I'm a different being now.

I don't know how different I'd be after this post. Maybe I'd be boring-er. Maybe I'd be interesting-er. It will depend on how my life plays out the coming years (yes, assuming I don't die tonight or anytime < year).

And now I have to take a bath. I'll post another one later.

~~~

J'attends pour le miracle. Quand est-ce que ca vient?

~^_^~

inversé!

2007-03-25T15:18:00.000+08:00

N'essayez pas traduire celle-ci. Ça ne va pas te faire bon. Traducteurs d'Internet sont naze.

Il n'y a pas de message secret. Pas de sens caché. Pas de confessions.

Juste merde ordinaire.

Je ne parlerais pas de films. Personne n'écouterait.

Je ne parlerais pas d'équipements de bureau. Personne n'inquiéterait.

Je ne parlerais pas de vendredis. Personne ne soucierait.

Je ne parlerais pas de café.

Je ne parlerais pas de livres pour enfants.

Ou du poulet fou. Ou du premier dix elements. Ou de cacahuètes heureux. Ou onze heures onze. (Ou même des amis.)

Et je ne parlerais pas de cirque internal que j'ai naguère parlé.

Je ne parlerais pas de ceux parce que je me souviens des choses.

Ceux que me disent... je sais très peu.

Et ça me fait vouloir savoir plus.

Si tu le lis encore, j'admire ta patience. Malgré mes erreurs grammatical. Il y a des quelques, je sais (comme celle-ci ou ça, peut-être).

Tu vois? C'est inutile.

~~~

Reverse mode! Haha. Salamat kay Faye for proof-reading.

~^_^~

patataaaaas!

2007-03-19T19:53:00.000+08:00

Naramdaman ko 'yung lamig ng aircon sa mga binti ko kahit nakabalot na ko sa sleeping bag ko. Mga 7:30 ng gabi 'nun nang biglang maalimpungatan ako at nabanggit sa sarili:

Syet.

Gusto kong kumain ng patatas.

'Yung baked potato.

Kaso nasa UP ako 'nun. Sa lab pa. Saan naman lupalop ng mundo ako makakahanap ng patatas ngayon? Tae.

Lumabas ako ng kwartong kinahihigaan ko at binuksan ang monitor ng PC. Binago ko ang status message ko:

"gusto kong kumain ng patatas!!! tara! sabihan niyo ko kain tayo!!! maghanap tayong patatas ngayon!"

Pero wala. Walang nagmamahal sa 'kin na gusto akong damayang kumain ng patatas. Kahit maghanap man lang! What kind of friends are you?!

Tinanong ni D'Catch kung gusto kong french fries. Sabi ko, ayaw. Tinanong ni Pistolero kung gusto kong potato chips. Sabi ko, ayaw. Tinanong ni Antonio Bandanas kung gusto kong mag KFC 'tas mashed potato. Sabi ko, ayaw.

Gusto kong ngang patatas, pero gusto ko 'yung baked potato! Ano ba?!

Naglilihi na talaga 'ko.

~~~

Je veux mon pomme de terre!

~^_^~

lakas-tama

2007-03-16T21:49:00.000+08:00

Unlike the good friend-- who knows great advice and when to make use of 'em- I've always (or at least I think I have) been, I've now been scrambling to keep up with all the ruckus going on in my own life.

Unlike the guy who keeps his mouth shut-- like I also think I've been for so long- when pressured into spilling secrets, I've been blabbing about sensitive stuff right and left, front and back.

Unlike the quiet and collected boy in front of crowds I've been since days of old, I've turned into an over-zealous metro-bi capable of duping people unaware. People who don't know me, more specifically.

Unlike the bad-ass image of a kid I've wanted to build up since entering the university, I've mutated from a so-so football aficionado into social dance instructor wannabe on the verge of strutting my stuff for real. For real.

Unlike the typical conservative catholic I've been trained to be from seven 'til sixteen, I've become an objective and open-minded social analyst deconstructing every emotional decision a human makes into its simplest components detached from the illusions of fake reality.

Unlike the ultimate clean living and decent individual I've aspired to be during my childhood years, I've now developed a knack for some mischief here and more devilry there.

But unlike the relaxed and easygoing backdoor-underground workhorse I've been trying to transform into for some time now, I'm still the half-crazed fool I've always been when it comes to an internal circus of bees and butterflies and jelly-legs galore.

Some things never do change.

~~~

Quelques choses ne changent jamais.

~^_^~

maikling-maikling kwento

2007-03-12T18:10:00.000+08:00

Tatlong gabi nang nag-uubos ng lakas ang isang binata sa paghampas ng dalang maso sa nakatayong hilera ng magkakapatong na naglalakihang mga bato. Tila kaaahon lamang niya mula sa isang sapa sa pagkabasa ng yayat na katawan. Halos triple na ang bigat ng kanyang damit dulot ng pawis na naipon nito. Kalyado na ang mga kamay ng lalaki at naghalong dugo at pawis na rin ang nasisipsip ng kahoy na hawakan ng maso. Pagod na ang kanyang mga braso ngunit tuloy lang sa paghampas.

*Braggh! Braggh!*

Sa kadiliman ng gabi ay tanging ang paghalik lamang ng bakal sa bato ang maririnig na ingay sa kagubatan. Walang senyales ng ibang buhay na napapadpad sa kasukalang kinatatayuan ng lalaki maliban sa mga matatandang baleteng lumiligid sa kanya. Mistulang inuudyok siya ng mga itong sumuko at umuwi na lamang.

Tumanaw muli ang lalaki paitaas. Hindi maaaring maakyat ang harang sa tayog nito. Sa sinag ng buwan ay maaaninag ang mamasa-masang pisngi ng higanteng pader. Nagmistulang pundasyon lamang ang kinakaharap ng binata. 'Di masipat ang tuktok o kung ano ang hiwagang naghihintay sa kabilang ibayo. Bumalik sa trabaho ang lalaki, iniisip ang tunay pakay sa pagbuwag ng mga bato.

Ilang sandali pa ang lumipas nang biglang

*Krak!*

Ang pagkabali ng sanga mula sa sahig ng gubat ay umalulong sa lalim ng katahimikan. Biglang tumalikod ang binata at inihanda ang maso sa kung ano ang masasagupa. Maya-maya lang ay lumitaw na ang inaabangan: isang lalaking may katangkaran ngunit balingkinitan ang katawan. Matanda lamang ng kaunti sa kanya at may dala-dalang pala itong pala.

"Sino ka at ano ang ginagawa mo rito?!" takot na tanong ng de masong binata.

"Ako si Oblak, isang manlalakbay mula sa kaharian ng Gapang. May kailangan akong makuha sa kabila ng pader," tugon ng lalaki, "At ikaw?"

Sagot ng binata, "Hindi mo na kailangang malaman. Basta may nais din akong makuha mula sa kabila. Ano ang kailangan mo mula roon?"

"Ang buto ng Tsokolateng Nababalot ng Misteryo. Isang araw lang kailangan upang tumubo. Nagbubunga ng tsokolateng makakain na nang diretso. Kahit ilan ang pitasin, hindi nauubos. Kahit ilan ang kainin, hindi sasakit ang sikmura, hindi pagsasawaan," hayag ni Oblak.

"Ano naman ang iyong pakay?" tuloy ni Oblak.

Nagsalaysay ng binata, "Magluluto ang aking ina ng Mahiwagang Kare-Kare. Lahat ng putahe ay akin nang nahanap maliban sa isa. May nakapagsabi sa akin na sa kabilang dako nitong pader matatagpuan iyon.

"Sa ngayon ay mayroon nang karne, sitaw, talong, at siyempre ang Aling Marquita Special Peanut Butter. Ang natatanging putahe na kulang pa ay ..."

"Nasa kabilang dako ng pader," panghimasok ni Oblak, "Hindi mo maaaring matibag ang pader na ito sa pamamgitan ng masong hawak mo. Buhay ang pader sa ibabaw ng lupa. Nararamdaman nito ang nasa isip at puso mo. Kung gaano katindi ang kagustuhan mong makapasok sa loob ay siya ring antas ng tibay ng kanyang mga bato. Kailangan mong humanap ng ibang paraan. Gaya nito."

Inangat ni Oblak ang pala gamit ang isang kamay. Bago at makintab pa ang bakal na talim nito. Hindi pa nababahiran ng lupa. Nasilaw nang bahagya ang binata sa liwanag ng buwang isinalamin ng pala.

"Ngunit ito lang ang tanging kagamitang matatagpuan sa bayan namin!" Halos sumigaw na ang binata sa pagsabi nito, "Maipapahiram mo ba sa akin iyan?"

"Hindi," sagot ni Oblak nang walang pagbabago sa anyo ng mukha, "Marami nang kaguluhang nagaganap sa kaharian namin. Tanging ang Tsokolate ang sagot sa mga problema. Kailangang maiuwi ko ito sa amin sa lalong madaling panahon. Sisimulan ko na ang aking paghuhukay. Ngayon."

At naghukay na nga si Oblak, ilang metro lang ang layo sa kinatatayuan ng binata.

"Oblak, pahiram naman saglit ng pala mo!" sigaw ng binata.

Hukay pa rin nang hukay si Oblak. Walang imik. Matulin siyang kumilos. Ilang minuto lamang ay nahigitan na niya ang ginawa ng binata nang tatlong gabi.

Inggit ang dumaloy sa dugo ng binata. Nagmamatyag na lamang sa ginagawa ni Oblak. Iniisip kung susunod na lamang sa loob ng butas sa lupa. Ngunit mapagmalaki ang binata. Kumapit nang mahigpit sa maso at hinataw ang dambuhlang pader nang buong lakas.

"Guguho ka rin!" sambit ng binata na may halong pangungutya sa pader.

Sa paghampas ay natinag nang kapiranggot ang higanteng dingding. Tuloy lang sa paghampas ang binata. Sa bawat pagtatagpo ng maso at pader ay dumarami ang natitibag na bato. Sa bawat palo ay unti-unting nabubuhayan ng loob ang binata. Nararamdaman na niyang manipis na lang ang pader sa harap niya. At ilang hataw pa ng maso ay nabutas na rin ang pader.

Tila naghihintay si Oblak sa pagdating ng binata.

"Paano ko nagawang matibag ang pader ngayon? Tatlong gabi akong nagpapakahirap at walang nangyari," takang-takang tanong ng binatang lalaki.

Nagpaliwanag si Oblak, "Dahil hindi mo ginustong makarating sa kabilang dako ng pader kanikanina lang. Iniisip mo lang na mawasak ang pader at ang pader lang. Nilimot mo ang lahat maliban sa pagtibag ng pader. Hindi naramdaman ng pader ang hangarin mong marating ang kabilang banda. Walang naisaling damdamin ang pader bilang kanyang tibay. Matagumpay ka. Makukuha mo na rin ang hinahanap mong..."

"Sandali lang! Bakit nga hindi na lang ganun ang ginawa mo kung pwede naman pala?!" tanong ng binata.

"Mas madali 'to eh. Ang kapal-kapal ng pader na yan, magpapakapagod ako? Hindi ako tanga! Saka magaling akong humukay eh," sabi ni Oblak, may hangin sa pananalita.

Hindi na nakapagsalita ang binata. Titig pa rin ito kay Oblak, habang si Oblak ay nakangiti lamang na parang asong ulul na kumakalat sa baryo.

"May araw ka rin, Oblak."

~~~

Le mur est fort. Mon marteau, plus fort.

~^_^~

araw-araw

2007-02-28T20:55:00.000+08:00

Tuwang-tuwa ako kada hapong sinasamahan ko siyang maglakad pagtapos ng mga klase. Sinasadya kong bagalan ang aking lakad para tumagal ang sandaling oras na kami ay nagkakasama. Dumidikit din ako sa kanya habang naglalakad kahit malawak ang kalye. Ginagawa ko 'yun upang magkabangga ang aming mga bisig at magkabuhul-buhol ang aming mga daliri sa bawat ugoy ng braso. Para sa akin, ang haplos ng kanyang kutis sa aking balat ay nasasalin sa paglambot ng aking mga tuhod o kaya ay pangingilo ng mga ngipin. Nakakikiliti minsan.

Araw-araw ay hinihintay ko ang mga pagkakataong 'yun. 'Pag lalabas na siya sa huling klase niya ay naghihintay na ako sa labasan. Nakangiti at hindi alam kung saan titingin habang naglalakad na siya palapit sa akin. Kukumustahin ko siya pagdating niya sa harap ko. Tatabihan nang bahagya para magkapag-usap kami sa mahinang boses. Mas mukhang nagkakapalagayan kami ng loob kung ganun.

Ilang minuto lang kami magkasama sa bawat beses na mangyayari ang ganito. Tama nga ang sabi nila. Mas mabilis pa sa lintik ang paglipas ng oras kapag kasama mo ang gusto mo. Pag wala naman siya sa tabi mo ay parang dantaon ka nang nagmumukmok at hindi pa rin tapos ang penitensya mo sa buhay.

Isa lang ang ruta namin sa tuwing maglalakad pauwi. Sa ilalim ng hilera ng mga higanteng acaciang lumiligid sa kalye ng paaralan. Sa dulo ay naroon ang terminal at paradahan ng mga sasakyan. Pagdating doon ay isasauli ko ang kanyang mga gamit at magpapaalam. Susundan siya ng tingin habang siya ay tutuloy sa paglalakad at lalapit sa naghihintay na asul na kotse. Bubukas ang pinto 'nun at sasakay siya.

Natatanaw ko pa rin siya sa kinatatayuan ko. Nakaupo siya sa harap ng sasakyan. Bago lumarga ay lalapit ang nakaupo sa likod ng manibela at hahalik sa kanyang mga labi. Sa labi ko naman ay matitikman ko ang alat ng luhang pumapatak mula sa aking mata.

Araw-araw.

~~~

I'll be going on hiatus! Hehe. Just had to use that word. I'm thinking of straightening out my life for the mean time. I'll return when everything is in order.

~~~

J'attends pour le miracle. Encore.

~^_^~

virgin!

2007-02-21T23:01:00.000+08:00

I got to see Rome & Juliet today. Mylene Dizon and Andrea del Rosario (haaaaay, Andrea... :x) star in this lesbian art flick co-written (with Chris Violago) and directed by Connie S.A. Macatuno. It's a decent film and I highly recommend it, especially to still-close-minded-about-same-sex-relationships people. But enough about that. This is not a review or whatever. If you're interested in watching the film, you can still see it in Robinson's Metro East. Only six screening days left.

~~~

Juliet (Andrea... haaaaay :x) cries a lot towards the end of the story (I watched with someone, btw).

"Mga babaeng umiiyak talaga o," I muttered quietly.

"Hmm?"

"Eh hindi ko kasi alam gagawin ko 'pag may umiiyak na babae e," I said in reply.

"Di mo alam gagawin? Sometimes you just gotta be quiet."

"O tamo, humahagulgol pa!" referring to a scene where Juliet cries harder.

...

~~~

During the ride home.

"I can cry at will. Testingin kaya kita?"

"Ha?!" I blurted out, with a look of fright written down on my face.

"O, nagpapanic ka na ba?"

...

~~~

I'm confused. What should one do when someone's crying?

Sometimes, I'm not as cool as I think I am.

~~~

Laisses-moi te tenir... éternellement.

~^_^~

hindi na uso ang balentayms

2007-02-17T02:00:00.000+08:00

Wala akong Valentine's post. Pangit 'yun! Wala rin akong post Valentine's post. Pangit din 'yun! Gagawa na lang ako ngayon ng pre-Valentine's post. 'Yun bang para sa 2008 na, para cool dude na naman ako.

Ano ba nilalagay ko sa pre-balentayms post ko? Hmm.

~~~

Balak kong mag-date sa susunod na pebrerokatorse. Masaya kasi 'pag nagde-date sa eksakto-puntong Valentine's, kahit na maraming tao. Dinudumog kasi ng mga magsyo-syoting ang kung alin mang kasuluk-sulukan ng daigdig. Pero kahit na ganun, masaya pa rin naman. Basta ayos ang kasama ko.

Hindi naman ako mapili sa date eh. Basta tao, pwede na. Kahit hindi nga tao eh, ayos lang din. Hindi talaga ako mapili. Ang gusto ko lang, 'yung papayag na makipag-date sa 'kin. Ay, meron pa pala. Gusto ko rin pala 'yung mahilig sa sports, marunong magsayaw, marunong tumugtog ng gitara, mas matangkad sa 'kin, makulit kausap, at medyo galante. Kung macho-papa at may kulay ang hairlaloo, bonus na 'yun. Hindi talaga ako mapili.

Kung magde-date man ako, sa tabi-tabi lang. Walang datung eh. Kahit pa-stroll-stroll lang sa kasukalan ng Manila Zoo, oks na oks na. Pwede nga rin sa Wildlife sa kanto ng Q.Av eh. P8 lang ang entrance ng matatanda, P5 lang sa mga bata. O diba, san ka pa?! Paborito ko kasi 'yung mga matsing eh, lalo na 'pag nakikita ko silang kumakain. Naiinggit ako eh. How cuuuute!

Pwede rin namang manood ng sine. Kaso ayaw ko ng nakakatakot. Lumalabas kasi pagka-girlash ng lola mo. TO na TO sa ka-date. Ok na 'yung manood kami ng sine. Habang nakatingin siya sa tabing, nakapokus naman ang eyeballs ko sa kanya. 'Pag napatingin siya sa 'kin, ibabalik ko ng mabilis 'yung mga mata ko sa screen, para hindi halatang iba pinapanood ko. O kaya naman, 'pag tatawa siya, tatawa rin ako. Pasok diba?

Pagkatapos manood ng sine, pwedeng kumain 'pag hungerness na. Sa gilid ng mga LRT station, maraming lafangan dun. Ayus na. O kaya kahit nga mag-footlong lang ayus na. Mahilig ako sa mahahaba eh. Swak! Or if I really want to, yayayain kong bumalik 'yung ka-date ko sa zoo, sasamahan ko 'yung mga unggoy dun na kumakain ng... turon.

Tama na siguro 'yung date na ganun, no? Kadilak na lang pauwi, para may HHWW moment naman kami. O diba? Date pa lang napisil-pisil ko na 'yung mga kalyo niya sa palad. 'Pag nasa tapat na kami ng mansyon nila, sasabihin kong nakangiti, "Happy birthday, baby. Alabyu! Sana, 'di na tayo mag-away. Sana blah blah blah..."

Tatahimik ang kamunduhan, magdidilim ang paligid puwera ang ilaw sa ibabaw ng kinatatayuan, magiging seryoso ang postura, hahawakan ang mga kamay nang muli, titingnan ang bawat kislap sa mata, at bibigkasin ang mga salitang nabitag sa puso sa napakahabang panahon,

"Pwedeng pagamit ng kubeta? Kanina pa ko naje-jebs eh..."

~~~

Encore, s'il te plait. Encore, si'l te plait.

~^_^~

quiapo

2007-02-12T21:21:00.000+08:00

Mag-tatatlumpu't limang minuto na ang lumipas mula nang pumasok ako dito sa restawran. Pagod na kasi ako kaya naisipan kong pumasok sa liblib na kainang ito sa kalagitnaan ng Quiapo. Iilang tao lang ang naririto; wawalo lang siguro, puwera ang tatlong weyter at 'yung kahera. Luma na ang mga kahoy na mesa at manilaw-nilaw na rin ang ilaw na pinapakawalan ng mga bumbilyang nakasabit sa mababang kisame.

Nasa sulok ako ngayon, nakaupo. Nagpapahawi ng sakit ng mga binti habang nilalaro ang natitirang pansit kanton sa aking pinggan gamit ang tinidor sa kaliwa kong kamay. Kanina pa ako tapos kumain. Kaya ko nang maglakad ulit kanina pa, ngunit pinipigilan ako ng isang matinding damdamin.

Mula sa oras na kinuha niya ang aking order ay mistulang nahumaling na ako kanya. Matangkad, moreno, maganda ang hubog ng mga braso at balikat, malinis ang hitsura, at maamo ang awra. Habang kumakain ako kanina ay nakapirmi ang aking mga mata sa kanya. Siya naman ay nakangiting nakikipagbidahan sa mga kapwa-weyter. Napangiti rin ako sa dimple na lumalabas sa kanyang kanang pisngi. May isang segundo rin kami ng nagpang-abot na mga tingin. Napayuko ako nang bahagya. At napangiti na naman.

Ngayon ay malapit na ang aking eskapo. Tinaas ko ang aking kamay at gumuhit ang mga daliri ko ng parisukat sa ere, hudyat kay dreamboy na kukunin ko na ang tseke para sa aking kinain. Iniabot 'yun sa kanya ng kahera. Maya-maya lamang ay papalapit na sa mesa ko ang binata, matipuno ang paglakad, plantsadong-plantsado pa rin ang puting polong suot nito.

Nasa harap ko na siya. Ngumiti. Lumitaw ang kanyang mapuputing ngipin sa gitna ng kahinaan ng ilaw at nilapag ang aking bayarin sa mesa.

"Bill niyo po, sir," wika ni Matt.

Matt pala ang pangalan ng anghel na ito. Kumikislap pa ang kayang nameplate dala ng mga ilaw nang maaninag ko ang pangalan niya. Hinugot ko ang pitaka ko sa kanang bulsa ng aking pantalong kupas at kumuha ng sobrang pambayad.

"Heto o," sambit ko.

Kinuha niya iyon at dinala sa kahera. Ako nama'y sinundan siya ng tingin, mula sa pagtalikod hanggang sa pagdating sa paroroonan. Mula sa kanyang makintab na pamasok na sapatos hanggang sa buhok na kumikintab sa pinahid na hair gel. Sa pagmamatyag ko ay pawag tinitikman ko ang bawat pulgada ng kanyang katawan. Hayan at pabalik na si Matt.

"Sir, your change," sabi ni Matt habang binibigay ang aking sukli.

Inabot ko ang perang papel buhat sa kanyang palad sa paraang mahahaplos ko ang kanyang mga mahabang daliri. Sa saglit na ito ay inilapat ko ang aking mga mata sa direksyon ng kaniya, at binasa ko ang aking mga labi gamit ang aking dila. Binigyan ko rin si Matt ng aking matamis na ngiti pagkatapos.

"Salamat, Matt," malumanay kong sinabi. Masarap banggitin ang pangalan niya.

At unti-unting dumulas ang kanyang mga daliri sa akin. Nakangiti rin ang kanyang mga mata sa paglayo mula sa aking puwesto. Ilang hakbang pagkatapos ay lumingon pabalik sa aking kinalalgayan upang masulyapan ko lamang muli ang kanyang dimple. Nasa langit na yata ako.

Tumayo na ako at tumungo sa labasan. Hindi na muna ako lumingon pabalik upang matanaw siyang muli. Magkikita kami ulit, alam ko. Madalas akong maglakad sa Quiapo. Madali rin akong mapagod. Kapag nasa kalibliban na naman ako nito ay sasakit na naman ang akig mga binti, magugutom, at papasok sa pamilyar na restawran. Sa kainan kung saan naroon si Matt, upang hainan akong muli ng kanyang pansit kanton.

~~~

How gay.

~^_^~

barya lang po sa umaga

2007-02-06T22:16:00.000+08:00

Naiinggit ako sa mga taong masaya. Masamang mainggit pero hindi ko maiwasan. Sabi ng marami, dapat makuntento ka na sa kung anong mayroon ka ngayon. Ang sabi ko naman, walang nangingialam.

Ang pagkainggit ay pagkainggit lamang. Gaya ng ibang damdamin, isa lang siyang abstrak na konsepto na namumuo sa isipan, naninirahan sa puso, sinasalamin ng mata, at ipinaliliwanag ng dila. Wala itong pinagkaiba sa pagkagalit, pagiging malungkot, pagkatakot, at-- sa kinaiinggitan ko nga-- kasiyahan.

Hindi ako masaya ngayon. Maraming problema, kapos sa oras. Maraming ambisyon, wala naman yatang tutunguhan ni isa. Panay kalokohan, wala namang binatbat. Walang sawa sa pagngiti ang mga labi, lumuluha naman ang kaluluwa.

Hindi ko alam ang pormula sa pagkakamit ng kasiyahan. Wala naman nasusulat. Sabi-sabi lang. 'Pag kuntento ka raw, masaya ka. Malayo ako sa pagiging kuntento. Hindi na ba ako sasaya? Mauuwi na naman ako sa inggit niyan. May kilala kasi ako, masaya kahit hindi niya makukuha ang pinapangarap niya ngayon. Sabi pa nga niya, tinatanggap na lang niya ang ilang mga sandaling nagbibigay sa kanya ng kapiranggot na kasiyahan. Sa pagtitipon ng mga 'yon ay sumasaya na rin siya.

Dapat sigurong gumaya muna ako sa kanya ngayon upang mapawi nang sandali ang aking inggit. Bawat ngiti, bawat sulyap, bawat titigan, at bawat taas ng kilay ay pawang mga barya niyang ihinuhulog sa kanyang alkansiya. Habang wala pa siyang 'ustong halaga upang mabili ang ninanais ay iniipon niya ang mga mumunting kayamanang kanyang nasasalubong. Sa takdang oras ay ilalabas ang lahat ng natipon, ihahanda ang sarili sa paghamig ng inaasam, at ngingiti sa napipintong tunay na kasiyahan.

~~~

J'ai été prêt désespérer mais tu m'as appelé.

~^_^~

takdang pananong

2007-02-05T22:25:00.000+08:00

Ang bawat suksok ba'y may katumbas na dukot?
tiyaga, mayroon bang nilaga?
ilusyon, may katotohanan?
kwarta, may kahon?

Ano ba ang gamot sa kaululan?
yaong plasebo bang handog ng akademya?
Ano naman ang solusyon sa paranoya?
kawalan ng malay?

Aanhin pa ba ang damo kung patay naman ito?
Nagtanim ka, may inani ba?
Liwanag ba sa dilim ang tanaw?
Anino lamang ba sa pisngi ng araw?

Hudyat ba ng pagliyab ang usok?
Ang pagkahumaling ba ay pagtataksil?
May lusot ba ang lahat ng gusot?
Panaginip lamang ba?

Lilimutin o lilikutin?
Paano tibagin ang pader na hindi nakikita?
aakyatin ba?

~~~

Eto, subukan mo.

~^_^~

le miracle, première partie

2007-02-02T20:45:00.000+08:00

The Chocobo Knight wonders, "thejoketh™, what miracle are you waiting for?"

And so, the story of how thejoketh™ began to wait for his miracle is told...

~~~

The world and everything in and on it are objects. Everything that happens is explainable by the offerings of a rampant force called the Internet, or one of the infamous literary life guides such as the "State-your-problem-here" for Dummies spreading across the land like an outbreak. The earth is just a carcass of dirt floating in space, inhabited by savages and more pretentious beings called humans. One of which is thejoketh™.

thejoketh™ believes that if he wants something done in this world, he should do the job himself. He works diligently for everything. Does all that he can that his mortal powers permit. He sometimes fails to conquer his adversaries, but manages to get up and deliver the final blow to claim victory.

Faith is not among those concrete substances that one can tell thejoketh™ about and make him embrace it. He doesn't believe in an overseer that arbitrates between human rapport and worldly interactions, and controls them wholly. Rather, he believes that this overseer conjures images of opportunity, skill, and luck, and scatters them all throughout space. If a human comes into possession of all the three at one instant, which is quite a rarity, that human shall be granted a pleasantly satisfying reward, lessening the hassles of labor for the same result.

A number of times has thejoketh™ managed to come across one or two of the tri-factor. His life would ease a bit until his cycle of demise begins. In some occasions, he bags all three. At those times, thejoketh™ was very happy. And then, the dreaded cycle begins once more. It's the same for thejoketh™ and the other humans-- all smiles now, all cries after, looped forever.

However, an omnipotent overseer does exist. And for some reason, the overseer breaks his just mediation at will, and personally hands a prized reward to a human. The human endowed with this blessing experiences great joy and satisfaction that he is clueless with what or why it happened. For this ignorance, the human redirects his gratefulness to the overseer. Which is righteous. This first-hand help from the overseer extends to a human for the entirety of his existence, and is christened as a miracle.

As cliché as cliché can get, to be continued.

~~~

J'attends.

~^_^~

da vinci

2007-02-01T13:15:00.000+08:00

Fcuk. Fcuk. Fcuk. Something's wrong with me.

(Pero sikret lang, ha?)

Ito namang si Siberia, malamig na nga, pinapalamig pa lalo. FU.

I hate posts like this. Still, I wrote one.

Minsan lang sumasama ang pakiramdam ko.

Eh sapul na sapul 'yung kahinaan ko.

Wadapak.

This has no meaning whatsoever. Totoo.

~~~

Ang dakilang kasabihan ng mga aliping namamahay:

'Pag gusto, may paraan. Lalo na kung marami kang galamay.

'Pag ayaw, olats ka.

~~~

In your present situation, is it really acceptable to be embarking on things that make you elated for a moment but might ruin you for the rest of your worthless and uneventful life?

Ha?

Yo yo yo! Shut up.

~~~

Avec moi.

~^_^~

nagsayang ng oras

2007-02-01T02:01:00.000+08:00

Gutom

~~~

Hmmm. Mag-iisang oras na akong walang nasusulat kahit kaharap ko na ang screen ng laptop na gamit ko. Pinagmamasdan ko lang ang isang taong tuwang-tuwa sa pangongolekta ng mga piktyur ng isang nilalang na palihim niyang iniirog.

Nakapatong lamang ang aking mga braso't kamay sa aking mga tuhod habang ang mga paa't binti ko nama'y nakasampa sa upuan. Nakangiti pa nga ako't aliw na aliw sa mga nangyayari sa tabi-tabi. Tuloy pa rin sa pag-crop ng mga larawan ang kumag.

Lumingat lang ako sa screen sandali. Pagbalik ng mga mata ko roon ay may nakasulat nang isang salita. 'Yung salita sa taas ngayon, 'yun na 'yun. Hindi ako ang nag-type niyan. Bigla ko na lang nakitang may sulat na ang compose window ng blogger ko. Siyet.

Kinausap ko si ogag, "Oy, tingnan mo 'to. Hindi ako nagta-type pero may nakasulat."

Sumulyap ang mokong sa screen at sinabi, "Baka gutom ka lang."

"Eh nakapatong sa tuhod ko 'yung mga kamay ko pa'no ko makaka-type?" balik ko.

Ngumiting parang ogag talaga 'yung gwapo sabay bigkas, "Eh baka naman may binibira kang mumu d'yan sa harap mo ngayon."

"Ay potah," sagot ko.

Kebs.

May ma-post lang.

~~~

Prends un risque.

~^_^~

love notes

2007-01-26T19:01:00.000+08:00

May nag-iwan ng isang mensahe sa tagboard ko kamakailan lang:

odetha: alam ko masaya ka na ngayon.. kitang-kita sa mga ngiti mo..ganyan ka rin dati sa akin..naalala ko tuloy yung kantang inawit mo nung binigay ko sa iyo ang matamis kong amplaya...

Matagal na kaming hindi nag-uusap o nagkikita ni Odetha. Sa katunayan, wala na akong pakialam sa kanya ngayon. Naging masaya ang aming pagsasama sa nakaraan, subalit iyon na nga natura-- ang nakaraan.

~~~

Odetha,

Wala na tayong dapat pag-usapan pa. Hindi ko alam kung paano mo nalamang masaya ako ngayon at kung paano mo nakita ang aking mga ngiti. Isang bagay lang ang dapat mong itanim sa iyong isipan: hindi na para o dahil sa iyo ang mga iyon.

Noon ma'y masaya tayo sa piling ng isa't-isa, sa kasalukuya'y hinding-hindi na. Kung hahabol ka pa ay huwag na. Masasayang lang ang imaheng pinagpaguran mong makamit kung mamatahin ka ng sanlibutan bilang martir.

Inawit ko man para sa iyo ang kantang iyon, mananahimik na lamang ako ngayon. Matamis nga ang iyo, ngunit hindi ko ito paborito. Alam naman ng madla ang gusto ko. Hindi ito gumagapang tulad ng ampalaya mo.

Panahon ng pag-ibig noon. Panahon naman ng pagpapaliwanag ngayon. Maraming bagay ang wala sa tamang kinalalagyan. Maraming pangyayari ang hindi maeksplika. Maraming pamantayan ang nababali. Maraming ayaw ang nabibigyang puwang. Pasensiya na Odetha, ganoon lang talaga.

Kung ibig mo pang makipag-ugnayan sa akin ay maaari naman. Huwag mo lang lalagyan ng malisya, pakiusap lang. Patutunugan kita kung may magaganap na pagsulong sa aking mga laban. Sa ngayon, pumirmi ka lang muna riyan. Huwag mo nang sagutin ang liham kong ito. Hintayin mo na lang ang ibabalita ko.

Past is past,
thejoketh™

~~~

J'espère que tu m'entends.

~^_^~

jerek frascuelo

2007-01-24T01:03:00.000+08:00

While not doing my undergraduate project presentation due in less 10 hours, I thought about searching for the meaning of names.

In this post and this post only, I give out my real name to the entire virtual world. As much as possible, I don't want to use real names of people in my posts, especially me. But I already did in this post. Most of my friends link this blog using my real name anyway so I guess it wouldn't be such a big deal to use it on this one.

~~~

My real name is Jeric Francis. Let's leave it at that. I was just curious about what's-in-my-name so I consulted with my trusty buddy, the triple dubya. I typed in some words and I conveniently selected this site.

Je cherche pour mon nom. I found out that Jeric was only a variant of Jerrick, the modern version of Derek. It has seven other derivatives: Jerack, Jereck, Jerek, Jerick, Jerric, Jerrik, and Jerriq.

Apparently, Jeric means "gifted ruler" or "the people's ruler." Whoa. Haha! Kaunti na lang parang si Pacman na, the people's champ! Another funny thing is that people usually misspell my name (Jerick or Jerrick or Geric, sometimes even Gerrick), even after telling them several times what the real deal was. Okay lang naman magkamali eh, 'wag lang madalas hehe.

Mon deuxième pronom, Francis. I know that this was taken from the famous French saint, Francis of Assisi. What I didn't know was its meaning. It had two meanings, "free man" and surprisingly, "frenchman." Wow, tinandhana talaga akong mag-aral ng wikang Pranses! Even if I sometimes suck at French, I can still say that I have some French in me, even if it's only the meaning of my second first name. Hilariously enough are the thirty-five other variants of Francis, and I wouldn't want to write all 'em here. To give a few: Chico, Frasquito, Franzen (parang PBB...), Pacorro, Pancho (whaa?!), Paquito (whaa?! whaa?!), and Panchito (whaa?! whaa?! whaa?!).

All in all, there could be 280 different combinations of the varied forms of my name.

~~~

So I am a great ruler and a free man. I could be the people's ruler. A free, great ruler.

Whatever. I don't think I am.

I can lead, but I can't influence.

I am free, but I'm bounded by capacity.

~~~

On pourrait être parfait...

~^_^~

ulul no. 5

2007-01-22T01:32:00.000+08:00

Hindi ko matandaan kung may naisulat na ba ko tungkol sa pagsusulat. Kung mayroon man, matagal na 'yun at 'di ko na matandaan. Kung wala pa man, malamang ay naisip ko nang magsulat ngunit hindi ko na naituloy. Itong isang 'to, bahagyang tungkol sa pagsusulat, sa paraan ng pagsulat, o sa pagbabasa ng nakasulat.

Sa aking pagkakaalala, nasabi ko sa sarili kung gaano ka-impersonal ang pagsusulat. Nawawala kasi ang paraan o tono ng pagsasabi ng nakasulat, kasama ang damdaming inilaan ng nagsulat. Hindi ito iba sa pagti-text.

~~~

May nagtext sa 'kin kanina: Ulul.

Kaparehas ito nang sinend niya sa 'kin 3 beses na sa nakaraan: Ulul. Ulul. Ulul.

Sa bawat mensahe, iba-iba ang konteksto. Ngunit 'pag binasa ko, pare-pareho ang tono. Ulul na naman ako, pang-apat na beses na. Sinabi naman niya sa 'kin: Mahirap kaya pag text. Walang tono.

~~~

Napatanong din naman ako: Bakit hindi na lang kaya lagyan ng karagdagang deskripsyon ang bawat text upang matulungan ang nagbabasa?

Ulul (sostenuto, moderato) - Medyo okay na 'ulul'; friendly pa naman.

Ulul (vivace con brio) - Ito siguro 'yung 'ulul' nagsasabing ulul ka talaga.

Mahirap nga lang kung hindi mo alam ibig sabihin ng mga termino. Maaari rin namang may punctuation marks o emoticons:

Ulul! ;p - Masaya rin.

Ulul... - Parang expression ng hindi naniniwala sa mga sinasabi mo.

Ulul! i <3 u - Alanganin yata 'tong isang 'to...

Ulul! >:( - Alam mo na agad.

Ulul ü - Pang limang 'ulul' na natanggap ko sa text, at least may hudyat na masaya 'yung mood.

~~~

Siyempre, iba pa rin 'yung makita mo ang tunay na ekpresyon, bawat kontorsiyon, at anumang kontradiksiyon sa mukha ng sumulat.

~~~

Antok na ko. Susunod na lang ulit ako mag-i-Ingles.

~^_^~

oishi

2007-01-21T23:07:00.000+08:00

Na wi-wirduhan ako sa mga taong nakikipag-usap sa sarili nila. Pero napuna ko na ako rin pala ganun. Madalas nga akong ganun eh. 'Pag naglalakad, nakasakay sa tren, nakaupo, nakatihaya, nakadapa, jumi-jingle sa CR. Basta ngayon ko lang napag-isip-isip 'to. Akala ko palangiti lang ako. Ngayon, alam ko na kung bakit ako ngumingiti. Dahil 'yun sa mga konbersasyong nagaganap sa isip ko, na minsa'y nakahahanap ng lagusan sa aking bibig.

Kadalasang kausap ko eh 'yung mga taong gusto kong makausap o nakausap kamakailan lang at muli kong binibigyamg buhay ang aming engkwentro. Minsan naman, inilalagay ko ang sarili ko sa katauhan ng iba. Sa pamamagitan 'nun ay nangyayari ang usapan sa paraang nais ko.

~~~

Eksena:

Mga tauhan: Ako bilang Michael Jordan (MJ), Ako bilang Kobe Bryant (KB), Ako bilang ako (A).

A: Langya, Kobe is da man!

MJ: Onga, ang galing niya eh. Wala sa coach 'yan eh. Sa player talaga.

A: Umamin ka rin!

MJ: Ganun talaga eh, ako nag tsampyon pitong taon pagkatapos kong pumasok sa NBA, siya pagtapos lang ng tatlo. Gumagaling pa siya lalo ngayon. Ang gaganda ng mga pasa niya. Pang MVP laro niya eh.

(Papasok si Kobe.)

KB: MJ, apir tayo!

(Aapiran dapat ni MJ si Kobe, nang bilang tatanggalin ni Kobe ang kamay sa ere, sabay...)

KB: Oishi! Panis ka na naman! Weak!

A: Nice one.

Kahit anong wika nagagamit ng mga tauhan sa isip ko.

~~~

Tagal ko nang hindi nagsusulat sa tagalog ah. Medyo kinakalawang pa.

Huling post sa tagalog ay ito, walang kwenta. Ito naman, may kaunting kwenta kahit papaano.

~^_^~

one-two-cha-cha-cha

2007-01-17T01:57:00.000+08:00

Someone is making me really pissed right now. Awfully pissed. Pissed more than all of the MMDA magenta-colored urinals around the metro combined. Pissed to the point that I can't do anything about it. I'm flooded with so much work right now, as a result of my irritation and aggravation. I'm still troubled with dry coughs that make my days even less worth the hassles.

I'm now working on my project's halfway point documentation. It's 2:16am on my clock and I'm as sleepy as sleepy can get. But I'll get this done quite soon. And as soon as I manage to do that, I'm going to drown myself in this day's more interesting and likable memories.

~~~

A memory like my social dance class this afternoon. We're now doing the cha-cha which is, by all means, more fun than waltz. You don't get any more hip movement in waltz than you do by getting a haircut. But with the cha-cha-cha, I'm still feeling my hips settling naturally in the direction I choose them to be! What can I say? I'm beginning to love Latin dances more when I'm actually doing (or at least one of) them! Too bad we're concentrated on the Filipino style of these social dances. I should have taken these dance classes way before. I could have been a great dancer now, and change the world.

~~~

But a single force has indeed changed the world, or my world to say the least. No, it's not my thesis (I don't really want to use the term "thesis", as it's supposed to be undergraduate student project or final project, as what our handler says). It's not the highlights on my hair either. I won't tell about the changes this force has carved in my life. I'll leave that to another post.

~~~

J'aimerais pouvoir te dire...

~^_^~

100 units = 100 pisos

2007-01-15T00:35:00.000+08:00

1PM

I woke up thinking I'd be spending today cramming for everything that needs to be crammed (note: final project halfway documentation in three days, exam in two, project updates and french homework in one). That's what I thought. Instead, I spent most of the day riding trains, waiting in queues, browsing through books, getting lost in a mall.

~~~

2PM

The MV Doulos is the world's oldest passenger ship, built two years after the Titanic sank. If you took a look at the link to Wikipedia, yes, it is now a floating bookshop. I left home around two-thirty in the afternoon to meet someone. Fifteen minutes later, we're off to Port Area, Manila! It was lucky my dad worked near the ports, and I knew how to get there. Actually, I forgot how to after getting off the LRT1 but mon* amie refreshed my memory. It was 'go go go' after I saw the right jeeps. There were three ways of getting there from where I live. The easy way: take a cab. One comfy ride. Hard way: Take three jeepney rides. dirt and pollution get on your nerves. Not-so-easy-not-so-hard way: Take the MRT/LRT1 + a jeepney ride. As you might already know, we took the third option.

~~~

4PM

We arrived at Gate 1 of the Port Area after about an hour and a half of travel time. There were signs saying "DOULOS" and there was also a courteous security guard at the gate helping people so nobody gets lost. We saw a short line of people (just about 20 meters) at the end of the street we turned into and got in, assuming it leads to the ship. The line turned to the right on another street and from there, the view of reality was clear. We were just in the tail end of what seemed to be a line that stretches for around (from where we're standing to the ship itself) 1.5~2 kilometers! And I am not exaggerating. Good thing was, there were activities the Doulos people set up to keep the people in line entertained. Another hour and a half passed, and we were on board the famed floater. PHP10 per person to enter, free for children below 16.

~~~

5:30PM

We're now on the white ship's deck, following the people in front of us to wherever they lead us. A few steps after and we are now inside a bookshop, full of books, full of people, on a ship built in 1914! You'd be astonished at first sight of the books, the number of 'em, I mean. Most books were Christian books, mainly because the people running the ship were, like, missionary. What I was excite about were the books about football and cooking! You can't find books like these here. If there were, you won't be able to buy them this cheap. The books weren't really dirt cheap, but they were cheap. Instead of prices on the books, you'd find unit costs on them. Signs were conveniently placed on aisles to remind people of the conversion to local currency. 100 UNITS = 100 PISOS. One that was posted listed unit conversion from 1 = 1 to 1000 = 1000, in increments of 5, I think. I was almost ready to buy the 400 peso Italian cookbook, but I didn't in the end. I didn't buy anything! Haha, so much for the excitement. My friend bought some books. There was also a part in the ship where books and music CDs were really cheap. PHP50 for 3 CDs! These were Christian bands, so I didn't know any of them (except for Sixpence None The Richer, but they were not included in this dirt-cheap section).

Me: ( showing a cool-looking CD with a nice cover to my friend, P ) O, mukhang okay 'tong bandang to ah.

P: Tingin mo?

Some random guy (RG) behind me was talking to his friends. He picked up the same CD I was pertaining to.

RG: ( knowing tone, showing the CD to his friends ) Eto magaling 'to!

Me: ( speaking quietly with P ) Mukhang okay nga ah, alam nung katabi ko e...

RG: Pili tayo, minsan 'di mo alam, makakatsamba ka ng maganda eh!

P: ( on the verge of laughing, not saying anything )

Me: ( going to P's other side and speaking in a low volume ) Langya! Hindi pala niya talaga alam e! Akala ko alam!

P: ( with a soft voice, too ) Nagogoyo ka pala eh! Kala ko maganda mga reviews mo!

Me: ( scratches and shakes head ) ...

~~~

7PM

We now disembark the ship and head home. We passed through a mall connecting the LRT1 and MRT stations. We spent 15 minutes doing this. We got lost inside this effin' Metro Point mall trying to find an exit to Taft station. The layout of this damn mall was terrible. It's built so that one gets lost after entering. You'll walk in circles, literally. We went up instead of going down. After gong down twice to where we were supposed to be, we found out the exit was closed. So we went out to street level and took the station's elevator instead. ( P: Hindi tayo nawala papuntang south pier, pero dito sa loob ng mall nawala tayo! ) Damn mall.

~~~

9PM-ish, Dinner

Me: Kaw naman ilibre ko next time, sa Metro Point...

P: No! ( some words essentially saying how loser the mall is )
Kaw kasi sabi sayo dun na lang tayo sa isang way eh!

Me: Tinanong nga kita sa passageway kung saan mo gusto dumaan eh! Sabi mo "Dito na lang..."

P: Ano ka?! Sabi ko kahit saan, ang sabi mo "Nandito na tayo eh!"

Me: Namamasa ka pa! Ikaw may kasalanan eh!
( softly in admission, after racalling what I really said ) Hehe. Sinabi ko ba talaga yun?

~~~

10PM

I was home at last. My sister got mad because I wasn't with them today. They, apparently, celebrated her birthday today, which wasn't until tomorrow. Haha, I forgot to buy her a present. I forgot to buy one even after spending a lot of time inside a bookshop, full of books, full of people, on a ship built in 1914! Happy Birthday, sis!

~~~

Tu es vraiment quelque chose de spécial. Quelqu'un que je voudrais savoir mieux encore.

* Previously, this post read "ma amie," which is dead wrong and thus showing how weak I am in French XD. I came across this mistake when I reread the post. I edited this post before any French guru could embarrass me.

~^_^~

tag

2007-01-12T12:00:00.000+08:00

I got a new tag board again. This time it's from Cbox. I like Cbox better than SayBox. I only got Cbox because it was the first tag board service I saw. Anyway, here are the last few shouts on my SayBox. Begin from the bottom.

Tim Cone's Grammar Teacher:
Didn't you learn anything from our class? Johnny Abarrientos IS singular, unless you're pertaining to Johnny Abarriento

Tim Cone:
Johnny Abarrientos are still the best. Those Ginebra guys are over-rated.

Kobe Bryant:
Phil, you know better who's giving head to whom. You came back to LA 'cause you can't get enough of me.

Phil Jackson:
Kobe is such a ballhog. If not for the great head he's giving me every practice plus the holly trinity with jeanie buss, I wouldn't dare coach him..

thejoketh:
Lakers, simply the best.

rex:
honga! Lakers panget! hahaha!

Argel:
Lakers Panget... Kobe Bakaw!

fil:
lupit ng lakers! sira win streak ng mavs! haha!

~~~

Lakers, still the best!

~^_^~

voici la garce

2007-01-07T13:43:00.000+08:00

I got a copy of a poetry book. I must say, it's quite a fun read. It's already the third installment of the series and I'd be delighted if I'd be able to read the first two.

What's more fun for me was the process of finding it. Because I didn't see even one copy (of any of the three in the series) in any of the bookstores I've been in for the last couple of weeks, I tried phoning several shops. Power Books had the book sold out in all of its branches, while Fully Booked didn't even carry it. Looking for the book was fun because of how the conversations with the attendants went.

~~~~

Power Books Megamall

PB: Good Afternoon! Power Books, Megamall. Hello!
Ako: Hi. I'm looking for a book. Ang title niya, The Blair Bitch Bounces Back.
PB: Excuse me, sir?
Ako: The Blair Bitch Bounces Back.
PB: The Blair Witch Boun...
Ako: (cutting in) Hindi witch, bitch!
PB: Ah.. Blair (emphasis on the word) "Bitch"... Tingnan ko lang po, sir.
...
Sir, I'm sorry. It's already sold out. Try Power Books Greenbelt. it's our largest branch.

Power Books Greenbelt

PB: Good Afternoon! Power Books, Greenbelt. Hello!
Ako: Hi. I'm looking for a book. Eto 'yung title niya, The Blair Bitch Bounces Back.
PB: The Blair Witch ano po, sir?
Ako: Hindi witch, The Blair "Bitch" Bounces Back.
PB: Bitch? Ah... Bitch.. Blair Bitch..
Ako: (sa isip) Langya, parang gustong-gusto mo 'yung word na bitch ah.
PB: Sir, sold out na po eh.
Ako: Ah. May suggestion ka ba kung saan ako pwedeng makakita 'nun?
PB: Sir, I'll just get you contact number. Tatawag po ako sa ibang branches. Tatanong ko kung meron sila.
Ako: Okay. 09xx-xxxxxxx.
PB: Ano po name, sir?
Ako: (binigay ko pangalan ko)

Well of course, I received a text indicating that the book was sold out in every branch so I didn't bother calling any more of them. Sa Fully Booked, lalake nakausap ko kaya less fun.

~~~

I eventually found the book. I must say, this bitch is one of those hard ones to get.

Here it is:

~~~

C'est différent avec celle-ci. Je ne sais pas pourquoi, mais mon coeur bat plus vite.

~^_^~

*

2007-01-01T22:07:00.000+08:00

First of all, a Happy New Year to all!!!

It's the very first day of 2007-- only 359 days to go before Christmas and 365 days before 2008. Yey!

Although there's much talk going on around about this year being lucky, I'm really not having the same thought. Much needs to be done before I can call this year lucky. But, of course, it's just the start. I'm not wishing for everything to go my way. I'm just hoping that I'd have the energy this year to do all the work.

I have the will to work but the problem is, I can't focus!

~~~

Think of anything and replace all asterisks ( * ) with that.

I have * on my mind.

I always think of *.
Before I go to sleep, I'm thinking of *.
When I'm sleeping, I dream of *.
When I wake up, I'm again thinking of *.
In church, * is what I think of. (bad!)
I pray for *.
I blurt out * when I speak.
Yes, I talk about * during the morning, afternoon, and night. Just kidding.
I see * here.
I see * there.
I see * on my neighbor's porch.
I see * everywhere.
I'm addicted to *.
I'm a slave for *.
Yesterday, it was *.
Today, it's *.
Tomorrow, it'll be *.
On my birthday, I wish I'll have *.
This year, I'll be a good boy and Santa would give me *. (only 359 days left!)
* makes me smile.
* makes me tingle.
* makes me happy.
* makes me worry.
* makes me laugh.
* makes me tired.
I like *.
I want *.
I breathe *.
I live *.

Dammit! * makes me crazy!

~~~

Ang saya no?! Kahit ano pwede!

~^_^~

noël

2006-12-24T20:48:00.000+08:00

Only two hours and a couple of minutes left before my year's favorite holiday begins.

It's Christmas eve once again and I am quite happy with all the happenings here and there-- minus my senior project problems, sniffles, sore throat, financial mishaps, overcrowded bedroom, still unusable PS2, broken printer head, and sister's mysterious illness.

There are, of course, things I am excited about: Barangay Ginebra Kings clinching the very first semis berth in the PBA (Somebody's gonna wear my Gin Kings shirt pretty soon!), my other sister getting a new mobile phone, faster DSL connection plus new PC, the Los Angeles Lakers winning even without Lamar, the Philippine Peso's ground getting stronger, and other secret stuff.

But out of all the ruckus this Christmas season, one thing that's making me wonder the most is the metro-wide (if not nationwide) encroachment of a particular melody from a famous noon-time show. You guessed it right.

Boom-tarat-tarat!
Boom-tarat-tarat!
Tararat! Tararat!
...

I mean, what the heck?! What's with this song that makes it so darn popular? I don't hate hate it or anything, but it's just unbelievable. Jeepneys honking, traffic enforcers whistling, kids Christmas caroling, drum-and-lyre bands beating, grandmothers dancing-- all to the tune of this song. I don't even recall how many times I've heard this tune played outside our house just for this one day! Is it the ease of singing or those dance moves that drive these people into craze? I can't say for sure. Hell, even I do it for fun...

~~~

I got presents for most people this year. Nothing fancy, though. For concrete instances, I'll be giving my sisters- clothing, my mom- that Pond's Anti-age Miracle Cream (or something of that sort; my sisters bought and wrapped it for me), my dad- a Colgate 360 toothbrush (he would like to have a new toothbrush, he says), and for myself- nothing XD. Poor me.

Anyway, I still think that if you give something, however small it is, you'd get something back in return. Maybe you'd get a small thing, too (or even smaller), but you would get something back. Tangible or not. So I can't wait 'til midnight.

To all, have a Blessed Christmas!

~~~

Boom! Boom! Boom!

~^_^~

booze

2006-12-22T07:08:00.000+08:00

Intoxication can indeed do unusual things to a person.

Maybe it was just the alcohol talking, but I really missed someone I thought I wouldn't miss that way, or that much. I tried not to think about it during my happy hours but the feeling followed through until I was sober in bed. I played the ever-popular game DotA for two hours to get my mind off the enchantment.

Last night, I slept only for four and a half hours. Ninety-five percent of that sleep was devoted to terrible nightmares. Corpses lying on either side of my bed, corpses coming back to life while lying beside me on my bed, a cousin trying to take my life on her own house, and other random i-wish-it-wouldn't-be-true stuff.

So now it's 7 in the morning. A cup of coffee and a bath helped me sober up more.

But still I miss someone.

~~~

Fresh meat! -Pudge

~^_^~

pandanggo

2006-12-21T00:11:00.000+08:00

So I was tasked to take out the trash tonight. I went upstairs to collect the goods and was startled by the amount of what I was going to throw out.

Three trash bins were filled mostly with strips of gift wrapping paper of different designs and colors. I peered into two of the rooms in our house to see (to no surprise) mounds of presents waiting to be shipped out come the 25th.

It's only five days to go 'til Christmas and still, I haven't had the time to get anyone any presents. Well, I already have a present for my little sister but I wasn't the one who bought it. Just asked someone to (Thank you! You know who you are...). It's just like last year. No time and money to get everyone decent presents, let alone nice ones. I still remember telling people a year ago, "Next year na lang!" with a smile.

I am now faced with a dilemma. Should I give presents to everybody this year, but get them not-so-nice ones because of my tight budget? Or should I give presents to those people I truly want to give presents to, and give them kick-ass gifts in doing so?

I decided to think that over during my sleep tonight.

So now I was taking out the trash I was tasked to throw out. Going downstairs with a plastic bag full of crap on each hand, I danced the Pandanggo sa Basura.

~~~

They say bananas tone your abs.

~^_^~

dreamer

2006-12-17T00:48:00.000+08:00

At long last, justice has been served in Pinoy Dream Academy. Yeng is officially the winner, as declared in PDA's Grand Dream Night.

I am very very much delighted with that result. My four text votes didn't go to waste, thank God.

From the first time I've watched the show on 24x7 PDA TV, I've always routed for either Yeng or Yvan to win the grand prize. I was really shocked to see Yvan not making it to the top six. It really made me furious knowing Irish made it through to the last six instead of Yvan. I mean, come on! Is the PDA audience that bad in judging talent? I didn't vote in that final elimination round. This time, I made sure I voted for someone who really deserved the recognition. As if my to say my four votes for Yeng really meant something in that 70,000-plus lead over Jay-R's.

~~~

RJ, you lucky b*st*rd.

~^_^~

updates

2006-12-15T00:19:00.000+08:00

Ang tagal ko nang hindi nagsusulat. Marami nang nangyari at hindi pa rin nangyayari.

8 December 2006

This year's Jammeng'g was called Divastateng'g! Bands were required to perform alternative renditions of songs made famous by divas. Our band chose two Celine Dion songs, That's the Way It Is and To Love You More. I can't say that our performance was perfect in every angle, but overall, it was okay. We had fun in playing and so did the audience in listening. I hope. We did not win, but we had fun.

9 December 2006

Okay. So I still felt that we could have done better in last night's competition. I didn't think that the top 3 bands were that great. We placed 8th out of 16. This seemed mediocre but I believed (until now) that we should have placed higher. If only...

10 December 2006

It's my mom's birthday. Happy Birthday Mama! It's also my grandfather's birthday. Happy Birthday Lolo!

11 December 2006

This day was quite insignificant. I think.

12 December 2006

Tuesday. Nothing much. Just that someone's laptop was stolen in our department. In broad daylight.

13 December 2006

The band decided to practice some songs to play in Maskipaps. Same group of guys. Less energy.

Made a song for my little sister's project.

14 December 2006

The band decided NOT to play in Maskipaps. Same group of guys. Bad feeling.

I, together with other lab mates, just got soaped by my thesis adviser. We need to get things done. Fast. But...

It's Rex's birthday. Joyeuse Anniversaire! Wok Dis Way and Starbucks for 5 hours. I got to meet some great people from UP Aguman, though. They (aside from Rex, who I already know for a long time, and Argel, my homie) are, if I remember them correctly--

Michael - Shy guy. The newest guy staying in 34-G. Had an earphone connected to his right ear the entire night.

Jerome - He seems calm and collected. Also stays is 34-G. What's with him and Yek?

R-Jei - I met him the night we played in Jameng'g. He's okay. His voice was a little raspy today. Another 34-G boarder.

Fergie - She was sitting beside me. Seems to be an okay person. Ordered a Java Chip frappe. Same as Allan's.

Allan - Came in with Fergie. Didn't speak to him once. Ordered a Java Chip frappe. Same as Fergie's.

Portia - I met her on my birthday when we ate at Beach House. Seems jolly. Keeps a wad of cash in her so-called magic wallet. Ordered the frappes with Rex. Came in last at Wok Dis Way. Didn't finish her food, which ended up in my homie's stomach.

Paul - Came in last. May be connected with Portia. Talked to him for a bit in the end.

Cyrille - She's okay. She's the one I've talked with the most (except for Argel and Rex) out of the group. Was connected with R-Jei. Also has a magic wallet-- a blue one she bought for a hundred pesos instead of P150. Keeps underwear in plain sight inside the house.

Yek - Had a thing for a football guy from Bicol. Seems friendly. Connected with Jerome? Sat beside her in Wok. Wore a yellow-brown butterfly ring around the ring finger of her right hand. Or was it the left? Or did she have another kind of ring on her other hand?

Daphnie - My classmate from Anthro I. She seems a lot less quiet than how I remember her. Nice smile. Gave me a high five for living close to her residence. Tries to keep Michael in circulation. She reminds me someone. Someone like a classmate from Anthro I who wore skirts frequently. She's okay. Pikalakalikat.

Wala naman siguro akong nakalimutan sa Agupips na present sa birthday ni Rex.

~~~

~^_^~

xxxx

2006-10-05T00:03:00.000+08:00

It was xxxx at fourth sight, or sound. Whichever sense it was, it felt like xxxx. Not that I've already felt xxxx before, I just feel like saying it as the adage goes, with minor modifications.

~~~

Whenever I am overwhelmed with strong emotions, such as xxxx, I tend to write without coherency-- like the previous posts I had which I hid on purpose. Only I, or some of my friends, understood what I am writing about but everyone else would be clueless. I now try to avoid that style of writing. It would be on purpose if I write that way again, and I am sure that would not be the case in this post.

~~~

Back to xxxx. I really don't know what to say about it or share something which relates to it. Lately, I felt I was allergic to xxxx. I wouldn't want to be xxxxsick. I'm sick of xxxx.

But.

After the fourth sight, or sound, I now smell sampaguita. I now hear Pachelbel's infamous Canon. I now feel like going back to my MYMP days. I feel like finishing my Love Story in Harvard DVD's last 3 episodes straight.

~~~~

xxxx can make you or break you. But one thing's for sure: the start of xxxx tickles you.

~^_^~

panaginip

2006-09-21T06:54:00.000+08:00

heartaches and headaches come and go
but you will always stay

though we're not by each other's side
i know we'll be, someday

if that day never comes to greet me
i'll go back to yesterday

yesterday, when it wasn't too late
for me to take you away

close your eyes, dream with me
go back to yesterday
when there wasn't so much
of the pain we have today

~~~

Sa sobrang lungkot ko, di ko na matatapos 'tong kantang ito sa gusto kong paraan. Sayang naman. Patawad.

~^_^~

polyvibrator

2006-09-09T21:25:00.000+08:00

After a long absence from weblogging, here I am again, trying to string my thoughts into an artful array of words. I don't have a definite idea to write about, or an underlying emotion to drive me into a state of unstoppable typing, but still I'm going to write about something. Anything.

Let me begin by congratulating my good friend hijackmaster for embarking on a new journey in his colorful life. I'll ask the Big One above to shower you with all the right stuff.

~~~

I should be working on something right now. Whether it's my design problem due on Tuesday, or the literature on IPv6 I have to understand ASAP, I took a break. I wanted to take a break from obligations to ponder on things happening to me recently.

~~~

It's Saturday now, and I wasn't able to submit my design problem. I have an exam tomorrow and still have loads to squeeze in my head. I'm not ranting or anything. I just want to get to the other paragraph with an intro.

I lost my wallet a few days ago. I don't really know if it was stolen or I misplaced it sometime during the bus ride home. Luckily, I had another wallet that contained the more important stuff. But my ID since first year was inside the one I lost, so I wasn't so lucky afterall.

One of my favorite past times nowadays is songwriting, with my boy D Catch. Although we are only starting, we are already in the planning stages of our US Tour.

~~~

So these words are not artful. Not even close to what I hoped they would be. I probably just need time to get my engine heated up to go all the way. I end this piece now with no special words to ponder. No lesson to learn. No thought to remember.

I only want to let everyone know that I'm not dead. Yet.

~~~

Huwag kang mag-alala
Bibigyan kita
Bibigyan kita hanggang hindi mo na kaya
Huwag kang mag-alala
Seryoso

~^_^~

retirement

2006-04-23T10:13:00.000+08:00

I'm thinking of a retirement from this. Haven't written anything sensible for ages. Maybe I'm a better thinker than a writer, contrary to my former belief. Ideas popping in my head every hour or so. I had the urge to write them all, as well. Had. I'd decide to write again soon, perhaps. Perhaps.

~~~

~^_^~

spotter

2006-03-21T00:16:00.000+08:00

'Pag isa kang giraffe, malayo ang abot ng tingin mo.

Kung pinya ka naman, marami kang makikita.

Kapag tarsier ka naman, tiyak malinaw ang mundo sa 'yo.

Kung chameleon ka, pwede ka naman tumingin sa magkaibang bagay nang sabay.

Pero kung isa kang spotter (yari na!), LAHAT walang kawala.

~~~

~^_^~

when everything crumbles

2005-12-29T21:43:00.000+08:00

Damn f ' n crackers!!!

Don't you dare show your f ' n faces to me.

'Cause if you do, I dunno...

~~~

~^_^~

the principle of equivalent trade

2005-10-19T11:50:00.000+08:00

People cannot gain anything without sacrificing something.

You must present something of equal value to gain something.

That is the principle of equivalent trade in alchemy.

~~~

These lines were taken from the anime series Hagane no Renkinjutsushi (Full Metal Alchemist) which aired from March 2003 to February 2004.

Apparently, this principle is not true. People sometimes lose or sacrifice so much without getting a fair trade.

~~~

Image courtesy of ::ANIDB.net::

~^_^~

,,

2005-10-15T02:51:00.000+08:00

Matapos ang isang napakahabang pagsusulit sa isang napakahirap na sabjek ay sumakay ako ng dyip para makarating sa aking paroroonan at sa kinauupuan ko sa loob ng naturang dyip ay napalingon ako nang panandalian sa aking gawing kaliwa kung saan natagpuan ko sa aking tabi ang isang mag-aaral na nakilala ko sa mukha dahil siya ang mag-aaral na naglalakad sa likuran ko kanina pa magbuhat nang lumabas ako sa gusaling pinagkunan ko ng mahabang pasusulit.

Dahil nga sa kilala ko ang mag-aaral na ito ay tumitig ako sa kanyang mga mata at ibinalik niya rin sa akin ang ganitong pagtitig at sa gitna ng pagbabayad ng isang ale ng kanyang pamasahe at sa pagkislap ng mumunting dilaw na ilaw sa itim ng mga mata ng naturang katabi ko ay pinakawalan ko sa hangin ang katanungang ito:

Ano ang mas gusto mo comma o period?

Kapansin-pansin ang bakas ng pagkagulat at pagkagulantang ng aking katabi sa mga katagang lumabas sa aking bibig at pumasok sa kanyang mga tainga ngunit hindi ko rin masabi kung nagulat siya sa bigla kong pagtatanong o sa kalaliman ng aking katanungan at habang iyon nga ang aking pinag-iisipan ay bahagya nang kumalma ang katigasan nang kanyang panga at bumagal ang pagtibok ng kanyang puso sabay tugon nang ganito:

Ha? Period. Para wala nang part two.

Hindi agad ako nakasambit ng aking opinyon ukol sa kanyang sagot at hinintay ko pang kumurap nang dalawang beses ang aking mga mata bago ako tuluyang lumiyad sa aking matalas na pagtitig at nag-isip nga ng aking maigaganti sa kanyang kuro nang bigla kong maalala ang isang kaibigang hindi gumagamit ng tuldok kapag siya ay nagte-text bagkus dalawang kuwit ang ginagamit sa tuwing magtatapos ng isang pangungusap at sa pagkaalala ko nga nito ay wala sa isip akong sumagot:

Gusto ko comma kasi mas maraming sinasayang na tinta kapag nagsusulat.

Sa pagsasalita ko nito ay hindi ko namalayang umaandar na pala sa kanyang sarili ang aking utak at iniiwan na pala niya ako sa mundo ng katotohanan habang ibinabaaon sa isipan ko ang ganitong paniniwala upang aking maalala sa isang natatanging panahon tulad ng isang hapong paglalakad sa bangketa at maiisip na gumagamit malamang ng dalawang kuwit ang aking kaibigan sa bawat pangungusap upang ipaglaban ang pilosopiyang mas mabuti ang isang napakahabang sandali kaysa sa isang tuwiran at ganap na pagwawakas:

Mas gusto ko nga siguro ang comma para may part two.

~~~

Life is troublesome without commas.

~^_^~

conclusion *

2005-09-21T00:12:00.000+08:00

Writing this with a pen on paper would be hard. My right knuckle still feels sore from when it kissed the concrete walls too much in the room downstairs.

Typing shouldn't take long. I can't see clearly when salt and water come out of my eyes every split second. They drown out my thoughts too easily.

For a moment that seemed eternity, I saw my miracle happen.

The one that changed my life.

The one that made me take a different road. A road I didn't dream of taking for as long as I can remember.

I went out of the way for I saw it fit.

I was risking my neck for anything. Forgetting everything I believed in. Letting go of what I was looking for.

I know I was. I didn't care.

Funny how eternity lasted for only six hundred and twenty four hours.

I guess I didn't have to wait to break apart.

I guess I didn't have to reach any limits to die.

And I guess I don't know what it will take to recover from death, too.

This one's for the miracle that made me see something unbelievable.

For the one that made the world smaller, and time shorter.

The one that made me taste bitterness very sweet. I didn't like it, but I was wanting more each day.

The one that had my hopes up so high even I couldn't reach it. I wonder if I ever will.

The one that made me experience the first time something I said I don't, and won't, do.

The one I was hoping to be there everyday.

The one I am hoping to be here right now.

The one I will be looking for tomorrow.

This could be the last time I'd write.

The last time I'd hope.

The last time I'd wait.

The last time I'd pray for a miracle.

I'm seeing water again.

My hand is screaming in pain.

I guess this is goodbye for now.

* an untimely ending

~^_^~

limits part ii

2005-09-17T23:19:00.000+08:00

It hurts so goddamn much but I just can't take it all away.

You receive severe blows to your most sensitive parts but you just can't do anything about it. You fall down to your knees every time you see it happening.

My eyes cast on the gray skies above. I look for nothing. I hear nothing. I pretend I know nothing.

You tell yourself that this is righteous. Anybody would say the same thing. Everybody would. But, in the pits of your naïve understanding, you know you're playing the fool. You're too sightless to see through the cloak. Too afraid to peer into the darkness. Too intoxicated in your dreams to accept the truth. Much less realize it.

You ask the question the same number of times as your heart beats in a day. Even more.

Why do I choose to endure this?

Now you're really in it. The trouble you had imagined you would never get yourself into for the entirety of your existence. You allow yourself to be consumed by the situation you dreaded the most.

How far will I go?

How long would I last?

You know you can make the pain all go away. Away with all your hopes. Hopes that only bring confusion. Confusion that disappears when you're blind. Blind until you see it again.

And I see it again. Don't worry. I still haven't reached it.

~ ~ ~ to be continued?

~^_^~

buhay sa primera *

2005-09-02T20:24:00.000+08:00

Hindi ko alam pero binagalan kong sadya and lakad ko. Nakakaperwisyo na nga yata ako sa mga naglalakad sa likuran ko. Lahat sila mabilis maglakad. 'Yung iba, binabangga pa ako para mauna sa akin. Nagmamadali.

Bakit ba? Nagmamadali rin naman ako ah. Hindi ko nga lang ipinapakita ngayon. Walang pakialaman.

Sanay ako sa buhay na mabilis. Laging nagmamadali. Ayaw na ayaw kong naghihintay. Maikli ang pasensya. 'Pag nababagalan ako sa isang bagay, naaasar ako. 'Pag mabagal ang pick-up, kinaiinisan ko. 'Pag mabagal sumagot, iniiwan ko.

Pero, ayos lang ako ngayon. Kahit na muntik nang mahulog ang bag ko dahil sa pagsanggi sa akin 'nung isang mama. Kahit na nararamdaman kong nagagalit na 'yung sumusunod sa akin dahil sa kabagalan. Kahit na maraming umuuna sa akin.

Madami rin naman akong naranasan sa mabagal kong paglalakad. Nakita ko kung paano namumuhay ang iba't ibang uri ng tao. 'Yung ale, abalang-abala sa pakikipagnegosyo sa kanyang suki. Si manong, masayang kumakain ng balot sa kanto. May magkasintahan, H-H-W-W-P-S-S-P. Huwaw naman. Habang ako, nakakapag-isip nang malalim sa gitna ng lahat ng kaguluhan.

Hindi naman pala masama kung maghinay ako paminsan-minsan. Okey lang magbabad sa primera kahit bumubusina na nang todo ang lahat ng nakabuntot sa akin.

Sana lang, pagkatapos ng lahat, ay maliwanagan ako-- kung bakit ko hinayaang patakbuhin nang mabagal ang oras sa aking isipan, habang nakikipagpaligsahan ang mga tao sa mundo laban sa isa't isa. Sana ay maintindihan ko kung bakit pinili kong maglakad nang mabagal, kahit na kating-kati na ang mga binti kong nagpupumilit nang tumakbo. Habang hindi ko pa nahahanap ang mga kasagutan, kaunting tiis lang. Kaunting hintay. 'Di magtatagal, sasabak na rin akong muli sa bilis ng agos, kasama nang muli ang mga batak sa paglalakad nang matulin. Walang hinihintay. Walang pasensya.

*unang post sa wikang Tagalog

~^_^~

limits part i

2005-08-18T22:39:00.000+08:00

It's wonderful and bitter to be lost in the desire for anything that is within everybody's reach.

Like the only existing item of its kind being on sale in a novelty shop. Each and everyday you enter the shop, sit beside it, gaze at it as if having eyes for nothing else more. Securing it from the intriguing looks of anyone who might want to do the purchase. Shielding it from on-lookers who would want a glimpse at it. Guarding it from everybody else other than your heart's pleasure.

Hours and days pass and it's time to go home. Away from the comfort zone. Distant from the object you are longing to have and to be with for the rest of your life. Thoughts surge through your brain after some steps outside the shop.

Has anybody bought it already? Is it safe to leave it in there?

Are those freakin' shop staff taking good care of it while it's there? ... while I'm away?

Will I be seeing it tomorrow? the day after? When will I be able to buy it?

Ideas swirl endlessly inside your head. Tormenting your very soul of its patience and reservation. You can't do anything because it's open to everyone with the capacity to desire it completely. And you totally desire it, too. Only you don't have enough ammunition to go straight into battle and win the war.

~ ~ ~ to be continued...

~^_^~

himala

2005-08-14T00:01:00.000+08:00

Maybe, just maybe, it's about time to change this Blog's title...

Hang in there. even if it takes a lifetime.

~^_^~

confusion

2005-08-13T23:28:00.000+08:00

Thinking too much leads to a severe case of confusion and paranoia.

We humans tend to think a whole lot, forgetting the things we should be (or should have been) focusing on in the first place.

But that's just it-- we can't stop thinking.

machakit na ulo ko! ~^_^~

dreams

2005-06-26T00:42:00.000+08:00

This was taken from Diyosang Ungas (http://diyosangungas.blogspot.com/)

Hello Sachi! ^_^

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Psychosis, How Original

I believe I'm going mad.

My madness started out as dreams. Regular dreams that everyone has had. Facing a crowd naked. Flying 3 feet high and no higher no matte how much effort is put. Running with all strength on leaden feet. Things like that and many more.

I have a handful of dreams I remember, some of which date back to when I was an infant. Some I purposely imprinted in my memory for the sake of, well, memory.

But now I'm afraid for the dreams have been clearer lately. They're so hard to just toss aside the moment I wake. They're just too...real.

And I'm afraid. Because I feel like I'm losing my touch with reality. I feel so detached with everything around me. Like I'm so wrapped up in my fantasyworld and stopped caring about everything else. I've even convinced myself that these dreams have some significance in my daily doings. I remember names...searching for that illusion of hope, maybe.

I keep journals, old letters, things of the past that I may look upon to remind me of what I was. But even as I do so, I feel too distant from it. Like my past was just part of a dream.

I watch movies and fancy myself as one of them. I read books and immerse myself in that world. And I drown, oblivious to the chaos around me.

And I'm afraid. Because the movies seem more concrete than this...thing I'm leading everyday.

Even now, I think it's not me who's writing this.

I am mad.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Well... if you are convinced that dreams have some significance in your daily doings, then you are correct.

Dreams are the result of all events you have experienced in your entire life, or the effect of things which you have recently encountered or heavily pondered upon. You can't easily decipher or control them, of course. Even if you try looking for concrete things which you might want to connect with your dreams to put meaning into them, you won't succeed much because your dreams might be coupled with something in your subconscious-- something you never thought was there but is, only you are not aware of it.

Recurring dreams are also a fun thing to talk about.

The thing is, they're becoming clearer because you've already dreamed about them. The more times you dream about something, the more familiar you become with the surroundings in that dream. You already know what's going to happen next but still, you can't do anything about it because they are meant to happen that way. You would seem to be in control in this type of dream but you really aren't. You just know how it will unfold and end. I know because I have them.

Maybe you should try to ease up a bit and think about what you just said: your dreams are like everyone else's. Yeah, everybody's like that in dreams. You can't run much even if you tried. You can't throw solid punches. Even I can't fly very high even if I wanted to reach the heavens.

If we did what we wanted in our dreams, right there and then, we'd be awake.

on "weird"...

2005-02-16T15:31:00.000+08:00

People do things differently in different situations. They act differently for different environments. Do simple stuff quite more complicated under some circumstances. This was one case, and I felt bad and ridiculous after learning the truth. Apologies.

Nonetheless, we still present and represent our self in a way which brings us to bond with others who we wish to be bonded with, creating our unique identity...

loser

2005-02-15T22:22:00.000+08:00

I really feel like a loser and a jerk these days and I don't know why. Maybe I'm just becoming a regular delinquent and a stupid ass, just maybe.

I am too lazy to work, too busy with worthless things to rearrange my life, and too damn careless to judge righteousness.

Maybe I tend to hurry things up too much. Yes, that's how I like it. Fast. And, almost always, I end up stumbling. Scrambling for shelter. Seeking consolation. Acting down and broken for others to lift up. Stupid.

Doesn't make much sense, does it? That's okay. I really don't understand myself that clearly either. I need somebody to explain myself to me. Someone who would know myself better than me. If there's that someone, please help me. Guide me. Tell me how much of a jerk I've been. Tell me I'm just a loser playing around for acceptance. Reject me. Make me suffer. Torment me. More.

If I could get enough of those, maybe I could have pity on myself too. Pity to spare myself dignity and make me live like I should.

call me mister mirakol

2005-01-27T16:22:00.000+08:00

I was waiting for something miraculous to happen.

This was indeed an interesting thought and I wanted to try out something. Something that would lead me to my miracle. The main idea of this outrageous scheme was to employ little changes in my everyday habits, in hopes of catching some wind that will direct me towards whatever I should be waiting for. Barebones, my life's so boring and I felt trapped in monotonous motion. Maybe this was what I just needed. A change in personality for a change in luck or a change in destiny, if ever something like that existed.

I tried out different costumes for this game. Different moods. Different voices. Different minds. I tried to act like someone else. I tried to be a new me. I tried to mix and match personalities. I mingled with different personalities. I was a different me for each different occasion and each different companion. Results surfaced, but none towards the direction I was hoping for. They all came after me, taking me back to square one. I always got gack to being me. Just plain old me.

So I was wrong. You don't have to be somebody else in order for something to happen in your life. I don't have to be somebody else. Life, take me as I am.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Years have gone by and I am still waiting for my miracle to happen.

Waiting. Waiting in patience. Or rather, haplessly waiting. Clueless. I don't know what I am still waiting for. I don't know what I am still searching for. I'm barking at the wrong tree. Waiting for the wrong star to fall. Praying to the wrong god to answer my prayer. Pleading to the wrong goddess to lay eyes on me.

Maybe I really don't know what I am waiting or searching or even praying for. For the love of God, somebody help me.

No, not somebody. I wouldn't wait for someone to tell me what I should do. I wouldn't just wait and pray for my miracle anymore. I'll do it myself, for whatever it takes. I'll start making the miracle happen. I could end up in tears doing it, but I couldn't say I didn't try. Not this time.

weird

2005-01-15T11:45:00.000+08:00

Weird things happen in life. People do weird things. Say weird stuff. Act in a weird way. Weirdest of them all is finding out someone who you thought was not weird at all turned out to be one of the weirdest persons you’d ever meet.

All I wanted was the short time of having a decent conversation one fine evening. Starting out with her name seemed like a bright idea. I called on her, and she expectedly replied with a bland “Why?”

“Why not?” I said in humor.

“You’re a weirdo,” she darted back, catching me quite off-guard.

That wasn’t in my list of ‘expected’ replies, nor had it the resemblance or chance of getting back in track of my ‘ideal’ conversation. I wanted it to start off like 'Hey, how’re you doing?' or 'What’s happening?' Instead, she called me a weirdo.

Another brilliant idea came flashing through my mind as I was still wondering why the hell someone would kick off a chat by calling the other a weirdo. Maybe she didn’t want to speak with me in the first place. Maybe if I tried to invite her for lunch or something, she’d get her senses back and converse with me in the right frame of mind.

“I just want to feed you,” I said half-jokingly, as jokes were supposed to be half-meant, and not caring if she got this or not.

“I’m full,” she answered back, nearly testing my patience.

“You idiot!” I thought of answering back. I really didn’t know what is wrong with this person.

“Of course not today,” I said. “Maybe some other day.”

“What?”

What ‘what’?! This talk was going nowhere and I decided to drop it after that. And I thought she was really someone. She was someone alright. Another player in this weird weird world of ours.

I didn’t know who had the bigger problem. Was it she, the one succeeded in ruining my perfectly sound vision of her? Or was it I, the one who did not pour her right cup of tea, chugged it straight up for what the hell, and ended up burning his tongue and half of his mind, draining it of its all-too-good memories of her for the most part?I contemplated on what just happened later that night. Did I really turn out to be the weird one? Or does she need to take lessons in ‘Having a Conversation’?

People, not just things, are really not what they seem to be. Never. Don’t waste time dreaming someone will really be someone exactly as you thought of. Spare yourself the future disillusionment and that dreaded feeling of regret.

It’s a weird world and we all play a weird character in his or her own way. In this world we meet and greet other characters, a few of which become close to us because we share the same taste of weirdness. We just have to play our roles well.

untitled

2005-01-09T11:44:00.000+08:00

Have you ever watched anything on the Disney Channel? My youngest sister is kind of addicted to this channel. Well, half-addicted (the other half of it being to Nickelodeon). In fact, I'm also beginning to like some of their shows, especially the sitcoms up late night, because of what you can learn about life. Try watching According to Jim and get something about marriage. Or watch my favorite, Damon Wayans' My Wife and Kids. You'll instantly know how it is to become a father/family man after watching it.

I'm not a Disney employee and I'm not plugging these shows, if that's what you think. I just wanted to share some thoughts I got from My Wife and Kids. In this one particular episode, Damon's kid fell in love with his tutor, who was of course older than him. He ended up in sobs and Damon consoling him, talking about how it is growing up to be a man. He said that a man always falls in love with someone he can never have, and until he gets over this can he only be called a man.

First of all, what does it mean to be in love? I'm asking this because I really don't know the right answer. I thought I was in love a couple of times, but I felt otherwise after some length of time alone and a few moments of deep thought. Maybe my good friend was really right about something. When the right person comes, you just know it. It may take years and years to find the right one, but you'll know it when he/she comes.

So what do you do about the person you've been wanting to be with for the rest of your life? Or the one you think you can't live without? Or the one you've been secretly wanting or loving and when you're on the verge of telling him/her what you feel, it turns out that he/she's in love with somebody else? *whew*

Simple. Just let him/her be. It's natural to feel what you feel for some person, as that person also feels something for another (good if it were you...). That's life and we are humans, and humans feel to be humans, even if they're feelings of hurt. Feel hurt for years until you find the right one? Well, if that's what you prefer, but there are certainly better things to do in life than look for someone. Again, as my friend says, it will come to you even if you don't look for it, and you'll know it when it happens.

Keep yourself busy. Watch a movie shown in Disney. Sing. Cook. Eat what you've just cooked. Play football. Play football while eating what you've just cooked. Just enjoy life.

huh?!

2004-12-24T09:56:00.000+08:00

Paano ito gumagana? T_T
I just couldn't seem to figure how this blog works...
nor could I imagine myself writing stuff into it.
But I like poetry.

Labo...

testing lang.